Need You Now
by Virginia May
Summary: When Edward left, Bella was sent to Renee in Florida. Sixteen years later after Charlie dies, Bella is left alone in a house full of memories. Will the memories be enough or will Bella need more? Rated M for sensuality. NOW COMPLETE.
1. Chapter 1

**Epic Author's Note (please read): **

Dear Readers,

This was my first published attempt at fanfiction. I'd become hopelessly addicted to New Moon AU's in late 2009 and my favorite at the time, a little unfinished fic called _"The Past Comes Back to Bite You" by sillybella_, had me practically salivating for a conclusion. A little research gave me every reason to believe that _TPCB2BY_ would never be completed (a fact I still believe to be true more than a year later) and that fact drove me batty enough to try and write my own ending.

Soon after I began writing my "fanfic or a fanfic", I realized that it wouldn't be right for me to share or post my version of the end of _TPCB2BY_ without _sillybella_'s permission. So I tried to get that permission. After failing in my attempts to contact her, I eventually decided to take the basic idea and re-work it independent of _TPCB2BY_. Unfortunately, I don't think I quite succeeded in that endeavor and the result was this bit of drabble. Need You Now is, unfortunately, a forced attempted to salvage some of my writing –writing that I am very proud of, but do not have permission to share. Additionally, "Need You Now" still leans heavily on _sillybella_'s story ideas and I'm ashamed that it has been posted for so long without me acknowledging that fact.

For those reasons, **I plan to pull this story at some point in the near future**. When I do so, one of two things will happen: One, I will either get permission and post my conclusion to The Past Comes Back to Bite You. Or two, I will re-work this story completely and remove the elements that should, and do, belong to another fanfiction author.

I only thought it fair to warn you before you begin reading, that this story (as it is now) will likely not be continued. I just cannot exhaust myself trying to fix something that is better left alone. Thank you to all of you who reviewed, favorite'd, and supported me when I first joined the fanfiction community! You guys and gals are the reason I kept writing.

Always, Ginnie

* * *

_**Story Notes:**__ This short story is a New Moon AU that takes place over sixteen years after Bella's fateful 18th birthday. When Edward left, Bella was forced to go to Jacksonville to live with her mother. Years later she finds her way back to Forks but when Charlie dies far too young, Bella finds herself alone in a house full of memories._

_**Disclaimer:**__ All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot of Twilight are the property of Stephenie Meyer. The original characters and plot of The Past Comes Back to Bite You are the property of fanfiction author, "sillybella". No copyright infringement or disrespect is intended._

_

* * *

_

**Chapter 1:**

I stood in the kitchen waiting for the coffee to brew and stared through the window into the woods beyond. It had been eight agonizingly silent days since Charlie's funeral. Eight days since Alice and Esme departed Forks, taking with them my note for Edward. Would Esme have had a chance to deliver it? Would he call when she had, or would he come? What would he think of me contacting him after so many years? There were so many questions swirling in my head, so much uncertainty and nervous fear welling within me that I literally shook from the thought of that little note.

I wondered now, if it had been wrong to send it. Never mind it being selfish, was it wrong for me to do this to him? Why hadn't Alice seen that it was? Why hadn't she stopped me?

_Rrrring! Rrrring!_

I jumped in the air and felt my heart begin hammering with ferocity. It was just the phone. The phone. Ringing.

I had butterflies in my stomach as I reached for the handset. I eyed the clock; it was barely seven o'clock in the morning. _Of course._ He usually called a little later in the day, but it must have been Masen.

"Hello?"

"Hi, Mom!"

"Hey, sweetheart. How are you today?"

"Most excellent! And you?"

I laughed silently at his Bill and Ted greeting. "Um, I'm good. Been watching old movies with Phil again?"

"No, not really. We're going surfing today, it just seemed appropriate to use the lingo. I am stoked about surfing in the sun and sand, no rocks or rain!" I could hear the exuberance in his voice. He hadn't been on a board in a long time and had never enjoyed surfing in the cold waters of the Pacific the way he had in Florida. It had been one of my son's favorite things to do when we lived there.

"That sounds great. Who are you going with?" I was still his mom, even three thousand miles away.

"Phil and the Rugrats. Pops said there are some girls my age that go to that beach a lot and think the twins are a hoot. I think he is trying a little too hard to act like he's not a grandfather." Masen chuckled and I heard Phil say something about not being old enough. I smiled. "Anyway, we're in the car right now, I just wanted to call before we go out. You know, so you'd know that I already put sunscreen on, like SPF 250 or something. So, don't worry," he said with deliberate over-enthusiasm.

I chuckled at his teasing tone. "I'll try not to. Just don't forget to reapply in a few hours, especially if you're not wearing a rash guard, and watch for rip currents, Mase. Oh, and pelicans. You know why, right?"

"I know, Mom. Birds mean fish, fish mean sharks. Or, potential for sharks. Whatever, I got it. We'll stay away from the feeding frenzy, I promise."

"Very funny, Masen."

"Are you going to worry about me all day?" he asked with a groan.

"Not _all _day. Just until you go to sleep," I quipped.

"Ha, ha... Listen, we're here, okay? I gotta run! Love you."

"I love you too. Have fun, be safe." I felt a small tug of emotion at the thought of him so far away. He was thrilled to be spending an entire month in Florida with Renee and Phil and my ten-year old twin half-brothers. Nick and Joe were a handful, so having Masen around to keep them busy was actually Renee's idea. She insisted and took him home with her when she left the day after the funeral. I thought time away in the sun would be good for him as well.

"Okay, you too. Bye, Mom!" As he was snapping the phone shut I could hear him yelling after his slightly younger uncles.

"Bye, baby boy." I sighed and hung up the phone. Baby boy, indeed. My son was fourteen years old and already five feet, ten inches. He towered over me and despite the fact that his frame showed the awkwardness of gaining that height virtually overnight, he could probably bench press my body like it was a paper weight. He was going to fill out soon and probably be well over six feet tall, I was sure of it. Just like his father. Good gravy, I hoped he didn't decide to do that while he was with Phil and Renee for the next three weeks.

I looked out the window wistfully one more time, noting that the sun had decided to shine brightly today. Of course it would, when this was the day I had dedicated to spending inside working on a specific project. Oh well, it was summer, even in Forks. The sun was bound to show itself at least one more day before the school year started in the fall. For today, it was time to get to work.

The boxes we'd brought home from Charlie's nursing home had been sitting in the living room for a couple of days now. I had gone to the new discount super-center in Port Angeles over the weekend and purchased large plastic storage bins to replace the cardboard boxes. If all went well, after sorting through the few sentimental possessions my father had kept with him in his final years, I planned to tackle the myriad of boxes in the attic. There had to be stuff up there from before I was even born, and I had wanted to go through it for the last two years. It needed to be organized badly and although organization was _not_ my middle name, it would keep me busy.

After eight hours and one trip to the hardware store for more supplies, I not only re-organized Charlie's boxes into labeled bins, but cleared the attic of its contents as well. That morning, I had managed to get everything down without much effort, but underestimated the amount of work it would be to go through it all. It honestly had looked like a tornado blew its way through the second floor at one point, and I wasn't sure if I shouldn't just throw it all out.

Eventually, I sorted through thirty odd boxes of junk, memorabilia, holiday decorations, and household items. In the end, I hauled eight large black garbage bags out to the curb, filled four of the boxes with donations for Goodwill, and organized the rest into the plastic storage tubs. Finally, they were all labeled and stacked neatly back in the attic with room to spare.

I was tired and sore from all the lifting, bending, sweeping, and stair climbing. I was sweaty and smelled of moth balls and cardboard. On top of the physical toll of the day, I was also emotionally fatigued. It had been harder than I anticipated going through my father's things.

Charlie had meticulously kept all of my childhood immunization records, report cards, some papers and projects, and even the stupid mugs and ties Renee had sent on my behalf when I was little. There were photos of me growing up, and some with Renee. There were snapshots of Jacob Black and I when we were kids, and a few of Jacob and Billy in more recent years. I found the framed picture I sent him of Jake, Masen and I all dressed up just after our final adoption hearing.

Jacob Black had legally adopted my son just after his third birthday. Renee and Phil threw us the equivalent of a wedding reception to celebrate, which was as close as I ever did come to actually marrying. She'd called it a Family Commitment Ceremony and even had her new pastor come offer a blessing over the parental union. I am not sure that he was ever truly convinced that Jake and I shouldn't be married instead, but the kind and gracious man consented to my mother's wishes. Jake had, after all, had his name legally changed to Jacob Black Swan to match Masen's amended name. We were as bound together as two people could be without sharing vows or a bed.

I think that Jacob had been happy with me, despite the fact that we never did have a physical relationship. He even once admitted that he couldn't guarantee that he wouldn't fall in love with someone else someday. Though we had discussed this prior to the adoption, he was afraid of possibly wanting to start a life with whoever that would be. His fears had something to do with some Quileute tribal legend that had him spooked. He acted like he wouldn't have a choice in the matter. Not that I would have stopped him if he had wanted a real family. I was only concerned that Masen would lose the only father he had ever known. Jacob swore to me that would never happen; we would make it work and do what we needed to in order to make things right by our son. To this day, he'd been true to his word.

Certainly, it wasn't that Jacob hadn't wanted me, in fact he had asked me to marry him almost daily for years. He was persistent and left everything behind in La Push just to come to Florida and be there for the birth, and after. From the moment he first found out that I was pregnant, until the night after our adoption party; he had asked me to be his wife every single day. Finally, I guess he'd realized that I had given him everything I had left to give. I'd already given him my day to day life and my son, my most precious possession. Of course, we both knew that the whole 'honor' part of, 'to love and to honor', would be a lie when I still dreamed of somebody else each and every night. Not to mention that my heart was already divided between a memory and a child, something that hurt Jake to no end. But it wouldn't have been fair to offer him something that I could never give again.

Truthfully, holding Masen in my arms for the first time had felt like a lightning bolt that jolted my heart to life for the first real time in nearly three years. It had hurt like hell the first time I let him grab onto my pinky, feeling the rush of love as it forced its way back into my abandoned heart. I honestly had never planned on keeping the baby. His biological father had exited my life months earlier, which was definitely for the best. Neither one of us had been in any real position to raise a child, together or individually. It wouldn't have been fair to anyone involved.

That had all changed, however, in the first two minutes that I'd held that tiny little bundle of humanity in my arms. His life had given me back my own. I'd then watched on in awe while one by one, Renee, then Phil, and even Jake had fallen head over heels for that teeny baby boy.

All of that aside, I would have given the baby up if I had thought it would be the best thing for him. That was, until Charlie had called to check on me. After he'd been assured that I was healthy and on my way to healing after the birth, I'd tried to describe the baby to him. I'd fumbled for words that were adequate; he was small and pink, with brown fuzzy wisps that had the slightest bits of red in them. One feature was easy. He had Charlie's eyes, my eyes.

In describing my baby to my father, I'd begun to realize that I would never have been able to let him go. Even if he had been taken from my arms and raised by another, that part of me would have gone with him. And how would I have coped with one more piece of my heart walking the earth separate from me?

My head had known that the baby may have had a chance for a better life with a mother and father who were more mature or had established careers, but my heart had known that there was no way anyone could ever love him as much as I would, for the rest of my life. Nor was there anyway that I could have functioned apart from not one, but both of the souls that had captured my heart.

Surprisingly, Charlie had agreed when I'd told him I didn't think I would be able to go through with the adoption. My dad put himself on the first flight to Jacksonville to help defend me from Renee. Although my mother had been attempting to think of my best interest, she'd failed to see that I was not her. Even if our situations seemed startlingly similar, we'd always been startlingly different. It had been hard for Charlie and I both, knowing that at times, she'd considered us in the same light as a bad haircut or an impulsive purchase. My father had always loved me and wanted me. We'd been enormously close since Masen's birth and remembering all that he'd given us both over the years had me missing him so much that it hurt.

Getting back to my project at hand, I noticed that most of Charlie's framed pictures were of Masen, so I left those out. I would eliminate any duplicates and reuse the frames later. I smiled at my favorite, the one of Charlie holding his grandson in the hospital the day I'd decided to keep him and officially named him, Masen Charles Swan. My dad's smile was beatific.

There were photos of fishing trips they took together before Charlie got sick. It was an immense joy to him that his only grandson loved the sport as much as he did. Stuck to the bottom of one of the frames I even found an old Polaroid of Charlie and I sitting together at his favorite diner, taken about a week before my eighteenth birthday. I sighed and put that one in with the photos that needed an album.

One thing that I wasn't expecting to find once I moved on to the attic, was a copy of the 2006 Forks High School yearbook. I thumbed the crisp pages out of modest curiosity when I realized why he must have had it. It was mine, from my few months as a resident of the rainy little town my dad called home. Renee wouldn't have taken it back with us to Florida, of course, but my dad must not have been able to part with it. I realized as I put it in the bottom of a new storage bin that I had never even looked at it when I received it at the end of my junior year.

Would _their_ pictures be in the yearbook? Would the Cullen siblings have skipped picture day to avoid evidence of their existence? I wanted to know but was too afraid to find out. Chances were, other than a little note next to my name that read "not pictured", I wouldn't be in the yearbook either because I had moved to Forks so late in the year. Or worse than that, there would have been an entire two-page spread dedicated to the first new student to transfer into Forks High in several years. I thought for a moment about Eric Yorkey and wondered if that were the case. He promised no feature in the newspaper, but nobody mentioned the yearbook. In any event, I wasn't ready to look through it yet.

I discovered Charlie's eclectic taste in music while I was sorting through attic contents. He had an entire range of music up there, from Willy Nelson to The Cure. I wasn't surprised by any of the classics like the Beatles or the Stones, but I wondered if any of the rest of these had been confiscated in his job as a police officer. Had he really liked all this stuff? I listened to a few of the cassette tapes that I found before deciding that most of them were beyond listening condition. Throwing my father's music collection out with the trash really hurt. There was just something so personal about a person's taste in music; it was like a little window to the soul. It felt like I was losing part of him all over again. I did keep his CD's and I knew that I could download most of the albums he'd owned on cassette, but it still felt like a loss.

I finally finished sorting then swept up the last of the dust and trash in the attic, turned the light out and went downstairs to make sure I'd gotten all the storage totes. After my walk through, I closed the attic up and noticed my stomach protesting against the day's exertion. I knew I needed to eat after skipping lunch.

Walking into the kitchen, I groaned out loud just as my stomach rumbled. I didn't feel much like actually cooking tonight. As I turned around, I noticed the formal portrait of Charlie we'd used at his memorial sitting on the kitchen table.

_Okay, Dad. Pizza it is. _I smiled to myself, remembering his old standby and grabbed the phone.

I had thirty to forty minutes until dinner arrived, so I climbed the stairs to take a shower and put pajamas on. I wouldn't be able to linger in the hot water very long, but I couldn't wait to get cleaned up. Just as I stepped onto the second floor and turned for the bathroom, there was a polite knock at the door.

_Oookay? _It was either Wally West with my pizza, or another neighbor possibly stopping to offer their condolences. I assumed it was the latter as I couldn't see a car outside from the upstairs window.

I skipped quickly back down the stairs, hoping that my disheveled appearance and probable body odor would indicate that it was not a good time for social call. I was definitely a sight with my hair piled in a scraggly knot on top of my head, and dirt or dust covering every inch of my torn jeans and faded police department t-shirt.

As I reached for the door handle, there was an audible sigh on the other side of the door and I felt a pull in my heart. Since his death, I'd been overwhelmed by the number of people that Charlie had influenced and helped in his life. I wondered if it would get easier to meet them as time went on. I placed a neighborly smile on my face and opened the door.

_Oh. _

Thum-Thump.

_My._

Thum-Thump.

_Edward._

_Edward?_

My heart began beating wildly and I stared at him. I didn't move or blink, I was barely breathing. I just stared at what was, still, the most perfect creation I had ever laid eyes on. My dreams did him no justice. Except that his face looked a little worn and tired, if that was possible, he was more brilliant and beautiful than any dream could possibly be. Like he had time and again, he literally took my breath away.

Edward smiled halfway and lowered his head a but as he took me in. I thought he started to say something, but instead glanced down once at my note in his hand before locking his liquid gold eyes with mine. Although I must have looked a mess, his eyes stayed focused on my own rapidly filling eyes. In that moment he looked just as vulnerable, scared, and unsure as I'd ever seen him. He looked the way I felt inside.

I wasn't sure what to do. I thought that when I saw him, I would know what to say and how to act. I thought I would know how to explain why suddenly, after more than a decade had passed, I couldn't stand the thought of another day without him. I knew it might be impossible for him to give that to me, but I needed to be near him again. Even if it was for just a moment. Even if it didn't mean the same thing to him, as it did to me.

Looking into his eyes, I felt dazzled by him. A feeling absent from my life since the day he walked away. No one had ever made me feel the way he had. The way he made me feel now was brand new too. I didn't have the words to describe it, except that it felt somewhat hopeful. There was something in his expression that gave me hope as well, a sense that perhaps he felt a little dazzled too.

There was a slight expression of disbelief on his face, as though he knew that I would be here, but that he wasn't actually sure it was real. I watched as his gaze seemed to grow somewhat unfocused, as did mine when the rest of the world around us fell away and all I could see were Edward's eyes.

We stood there, eyes locked in silent wonder. The faint echo of electricity began flowing between us once again and my heart sped up in my chest. Then, I did something that neither of us expected.

I took a quick step and launched myself at the demigod standing in my doorway. I threw my arms around his neck and lifted my legs up and wrapped them around his waist. I buried my head in the crook of his neck and held him with all the strength I could muster. I began to whisper to him, my lips brushing the cool skin of his neck.

"You came. You're here. You're really here." I chanted, as the tears began to fall.

Though I was sure he must have been surprised, Edward responded generously to my assault. Wrapping one arm around my back to hold me tightly, his other arm slid under my hips and lifted me securely to him. He walked into the house and pushed the door shut with his foot. His thumb rubbed the back of my head gently and he was mumbling soft, incoherent words when we stopped moving after a few shorts steps.

I tried to stop my tears and willed myself to look him in the face. I took a deep breath and squeezed my arms and legs around him before I leaned back to find his eyes. As I turned to look at him, he met my gaze suddenly with a panicked expression before reaching back with both hands to loosen my arms from his neck.

I thought I understood what was happening; he didn't want to give me the wrong idea. I thought for a moment that he still didn't want me the same way I wanted him, until my body shifted against his. My legs were still wrapped around him, and my weight settled lower than it had before causing me to feel his body's physical response to mine. I sucked in a harsh breath.

"Bella, please," he whispered a moan. I unhooked my legs and allowed him to put me down.

He held me at arms length, his hands softly around my biceps. His head hung down with his beautiful eyes clinched shut. I was suddenly horrified of my behavior for two reasons. First, I remembered the affect that my blood had on him, having forgotten that it caused him physical pain. Second, I could have sworn I saw a flash in his eyes that made me think he felt as though he'd done something wrong, when I was the one, literally throwing herself on him.

"Oh, I'm sorry, Edward. Forgiv-" not sure what I was apologizing for first.

"Please..." he interrupted me, his breath shuddering. The sound of his shaky voice made my heart lurch.

I waited for him to finish. I tried to encourage him to continue, or at least, to look at me. So, I placed one hand over his still heart. "Please...?"

"Please, Bella, I can't do this." My heart stopped at his words and threatened to shatter into a million pieces.

He looked up at me, with a pained expression and continued, "I cannot be near you and then leave you again. I'll give you anything. If you need me, I'm yours. I always have been. But please. If you are just going to send me away? If this is only a one-time thing? I'm not sure I can do this. I could never walk away from you again. I won't survive. I won't." He dropped to his knees in front of me, burying his face in my navel and wrapping his arms around my knees desperately.

I gasped at both his words and the feel of him holding me in such an intimate and vulnerable way. Tears flooded my eyes and spilled over, my breathing accelerated and I trembled with emotion. How many years had I longed to hear his velvet voice, to feel his strong arms around me, to run my fingers through his hair? Yet for all my longing, the reality was that Edward was here now begging me to let him stay. How could I ever send him away?

I decided in that moment that I didn't want to send him anywhere, but upstairs. As far as I was concerned, he could stay there with me until the end of time. I didn't know how I would handle raising my son, what I would tell him or how we would live. I didn't even know how in the hell I was supposed to explain this to Jacob and the rest of our extended family. I didn't know anything, except that the one thing I'd wanted since I was seventeen was now on his knees in front of me, begging me, pleading with me, to let him stay.

I slid my hands into his hair, running my fingers from his perfect forehead, over his scalp and down his cool neck. My hands followed the contours of him, from the nape of his neck, to his shoulders, and then down his back until I had to bend at the waist to continue. He moaned into me as though it were causing him physical pain. I placed a kiss on his gorgeous bronze hair and then slid my hands back up to cup his face. I wiggled in his arms until he loosened his hold enough for me to slide down to my own knees.

As I dropped down, he started to protest. "No, Bel-"

"Shh." I put one finger over his lips and found his eyes through my tears. "Please, Edward. Please," It was my turn to beg. "Whether or not this is a one-time thing, is up to you. I needed you here and you came. What more can I ask of you? But... if that's what you need, to be asked not to leave... then stay. Stay with me? No matter how difficult things will be, don't give up on us ever again. Don't leave me and I won't send you away. Don't deny me, just forgive me and love me. Please? Be with me in any and every way that you can. You have no idea how much I've missed you, how I've needed you. Stay." I closed my eyes and leaned my forehead against his chin, feeling breathless and completely vulnerable. There it was, all of it, laid out between us.

"Oh, God. Bella." He pulled me to him, one of his arms sliding up my back, his hand holding my head while the other arm tightened around my waist. He stood up with me in a single motion. "My Bella. I'm yours, always."

Our lips melded together as he kissed me passionately, desperately. It was unlike any kiss I could remember, ever. It was more passionate, spiritual, and intimate than anything we had ever shared before. I felt his mouth open to mine and his sweet breath washed over me. I relaxed completely and felt like jello in his arms. As if in a dream, his cool tongue grazed my bottom lip and I realized this kiss was an entirely different kind of kiss, more about two souls communicating a silent plea. He needed me just as much as I needed him. He wanted me the same way that I wanted him.

I knew that what I was about to do would probably end the fantasy and send him across the room, if the rules from our past encounters were any indication. But I didn't care. I may not get this moment back, but I was going to make the most of it. I used my arms to pull my body closer to his then opened my mouth to him and pulled his bottom lip inside, grazing it with my tongue. He groaned loudly and as expected, disappeared.

My legs sagged from the suddenness of my own weight on them. Before I could fall or regain my balance, or even see where he'd gone, he was back. His hands flew to my hips and steadied me. I chuckled silently and saw him smirk.

I shook my head in quiet disbelief at the intensity of our exchange and smiled my own crooked smile at him. I inhaled and exhaled slowly. "Wow."

"Yeah." He pinched the bridge of his nose before running his hand through his hair. _God, I missed that!_

"Edward." I looked up into his eyes again.

"My love." He crossed the space between us carefully and stroked the back of his hand lightly down my cheekbone, just as he'd done the first time he touched my face. I suppose my face was a little different now, but he seemed just as genuine in his affection as he was then.

I bowed my head, feeling a little awkward, especially at the thought of my older face and corresponding age. I was now twice his age physically, and in many other human ways I supposed that I was now the wiser of the two of us. The idea made me feel somewhat ashamed of my hasty actions at the door. "I apologize for that. I just reacted. I wasn't expecting you, I'm filthy and I haven't brushed my teeth in about ten hours, and I wasn't prepared to see you. Not that I had some big plan. I didn't even know what I was going to do if you called, let alone what I should say when you possibly showed up. I wasn't even sure it was right of me to ask you to come."

He placed the palm of his hand on my face, cupping my cheek. "Bella, how could you possibly think that? All I have thought about since that day that I left you standing behind this very house, was getting back to you. It was all that fought for and lived for was you. I imagine that that doesn't make much sense at this point, but I need you to know that I would have waited another fifty, seventy, even a hundred years for you. I would wait to find you in another life, but you've given me a far greater option. One I never thought I would have. The chance to speak with you might have been enough, but to have the chance to hold you, to touch you, to kiss you..." He brushed his finger over my bottom lip, causing my heartbeat and my breaths to stutter. "I'm here now because you've asked me, and I will take any and every sacred moment that you will give me."

My body fell against his chest, my arms wrapping around his waist and clutching his shirt. "Edward, you have no idea how much I have ached for you. Sixteen years and it never went away. I dreamed of you almost every night. I can't tell you how hard it has been to live without you. There are no words. I know that what I am doing now is wrong; calling you here because _my_ life has changed so drastically and now _I _don't want to be alone anymore. I know that I am being selfish and unfair. I am so sorry for that, I just-" Edward cut me off.

"Stop, love. You are many things, but never selfish. You are the most selfless, giving and thoughtful person I have ever known to exist. As for not being able to tell me how it has felt living without me... I think I have some idea what you may have gone through. If it's anything close to how I feel without you, it's unbearable. You are right, there are no words for that." He brushed his thumb along my cheek bone, sending chills down my spine and fire through my veins. My eyes met his and the butterflies in my stomach almost made me visibly shudder.

I knew my body was betraying the strength of my desire for him. I needed to calm down or I was likely to attack him again, putting him in the inevitable position of having to draw the boundaries between us. It seemed very unfair of me, all things considered.

He'd come because _I_ needed _him. _In the first minute of our reunion he'd given me more of himself in one kiss than he had in all our time together before.

"Edward." I paused briefly and smiled up at him, "Do you mind if I go take a shower? I am seriously covered in filth. I just want to hold you forever, but I need a human moment or two."

He laughed one of those amazing musical laughs I thought I might not ever hear again, and pulled at a piece of hair that was falling down from the bird's nest on my head. "It's not so bad."

"Ha! If you like the smell of stale cardboard, maybe. You can only imagine how much dirt and grime I encountered today. I was on my way to clean up when you knocked."

"I did notice the trash bags outside." He raised his eyebrows.

"You must have smelled the must and mildew a mile away." I looked up at him, while he continued to hold me against his chest.

"It is a little strong, but it pales when surrounded by your own intoxicating scent." He shrugged and held me closer.

"Ah. I am sure my scent is lovely right now." I laughed. We were settling into an easy banter almost like the pain and separation we had gone though had never happened. I wanted to pretend that was the case.

"Bella, you know that's not how it is for me. You always-"

"Smell delectable to you?" I interrupted. He smiled, looking rather bashful. "Well, I would like my whole body, rather than just my blood to be appealing if it's all the same to you."

I probably shouldn't have added that last part, and felt a growing unease in the pit of my stomach. Edward seemed to have closed his eyes when he laid his cheek on the top my head, though I could not see him from where I was held tightly to him.

We were quiet for a few minutes. I eventually pulled away from his chest to look at his face more fully. I tried to think where I should start, what we should talk about first. Instead I found myself searching the intricate details and inflections in his beautiful eyes. Marveling in the way they were almost fluid, flowing and changing in both depth and color with each new thought or emotion. I thoroughly starting to feel slightly lost in them when he finally spoke.

"Your pizza will be here soon. If you want to get cleaned up, I can wait for the delivery person. You can take your time." Edward leaned away from me and nodded towards the stairs.

"How did you know I ordered pizza?" I stared at him stunned, but smiling.

"I was in the woods behind the house when you called. The sun was still a little high to come to the door."

"How long have you been here?" I asked, surprised.

"An hour or two. I suppose I should have called. Or waited until the sun was gone. Are you upset?"

"No. I can't believe you were out there and I didn't know. I mean, I can only imagine what you must have heard going on in here but, I'm not at all upset with you."

He sighed and slid his hands down my arms into my hands, and twined our fingers together before lifting one hand to his lips. "Go get cleaned up, I'll wait for the pizza. Take your time, I can tell you're tired. You did quite a lot today." He paused seeming to think about what he was about to say, "It was not easy sitting out there listening to you struggle with those boxes."

"How long is an hour or two, exactly?" I asked with an eyebrow in the air.

"Bella, don't be silly. Go have your shower. We can talk all night, if you insist on details."

I let go of his hands reluctantly and headed for the stairs, "I do insist on details, but I'm not sure that I want to talk all night." I almost purred.

I turned without looking back at him and went up the stairs, but then stopped at the top. "Oh, and Edward?"

"Yes, love?" He looked like I'd found him with his hand in the cookie jar. I was sure he was watching me, just like I hoped.

_What has gotten into me?_

"Thank you for coming. I can't tell you what it..." my voice broke and I stopped, lowering my eyes.

"What is it, Bella?" He started to move towards me and I held a hand out shaking my head.

"Nothing. I just, I believe everything you told me a moment ago. But, I still want to ask you..."

"To stay?" He was there on the step in front of me. Lifting my chin until my eyes met his. "I am not going anywhere, Bella. I will be here even when you don't want me anymore. Would you like me to sit outside the door? I will."

"No, I believe you. I'm sorry." I sniffled.

"There is nothing you need to be sorry for. There is nothing to forgive," he said lovingly, stroking my hair and I felt my knees starting to weaken.

"Maybe not. But, I think... I think there will be." I opened my eyes and looked down at him with a seductive smile. I chewed on my bottom lip a little, watching his eyes grow dark and surprised when I raised my brow suggestively and quickly backed into the bathroom.

I was pretty sure that I heard a hiss and a loud snap when I closed the door.

_Oh, my gosh! What has gotten into me? _

_Oh, that's right, sixteen years of dreaming about this day...and night._

_

* * *

_**End Note:**

_Thank you so much **Essay33 **for taking me on in early 2010 when I couldn't even remember how to use punctuation in dialogue. She was an amazing beta and teacher, and encouraged me to continue writing when some of the wind got let out of my sails in the early days. Without her, the rest of my stories may have never come to fruition._

_Also, Project Team Beta was instrumental in editing this fic for me when I overwhelmed Ann with too much work! **SecretlySeverus** and **Lezlee **from PTB beta'd this chapter while Essay33 was busy with my other fiction, "What Drives Her"._


	2. Chapter 2

_**Disclaimer:**__ All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot of Twilight are the property of Stephenie Meyer. The original characters and plot of The Past Comes Back to Bite You are the property of fanfiction author, "sillybella". No copyright infringement or disrespect is intended._

_**Story Notes:** This short story is a New Moon AU that takes place over sixteen years after Bella's fateful 18th birthday. When Edward left, Bella was forced to go to Jacksonville to live with her mother. Years later she finds her way back to Forks but when Charlie dies far too young, Bella finds herself alone in a house full of memories._

**A/N: **I forgot to mention that I've already pulled this from Twilighted. It will remain on fanfiction for now. :-)

* * *

**Chapter 2:**

After I stood under the hot water for several long minutes, my self-induced frenzy began to subside. I had never done anything that blatantly suggestive in my entire life. I had all of one sexual relationship with any man, which resulted in my only son. Other than the handful of times the sperm donor had managed to seduce me, and a handful of rather sensual near-misses with Jacob, I was still nearly as clueless as I was sixteen years ago. Somehow, it seemed like some part of me that I didn't know existed just took over my body and mind. Maybe it was the power Edward had over me. All these years and he still made me crazy.

Most likely, poor Edward would be displeased, but polite and maintain some distance the rest of night. However, it occurred to me that a lot of things could have changed since I last saw him. He could have had new experiences. I silently hoped there was a small chance that he may have reconsidered certain things during our separation. Who knew, maybe he would surprise me. Of course, there was the chance that he could be angry that I would tease him, when he'd made it clear long ago that he saw that part of our relationship as completely impossible.

I was also aware that the idea of seducing him now could be construed as entirely reprehensible. It was just one reason that I put off seeing him sooner; for crying out loud, I was almost old enough to be his mother. He was eternally seventeen and I was now twice his age. I loved him more today than I think I had in my youth, perhaps because of the years I spent living without him and dreaming about him.

It felt so natural to love him. I was certain that I was safe from him and that he would never hurt me. Age and vampire strength aside, it seemed like physical love should be so easy for us.

Then again, I knew now that I had probably underestimated the hardship he must face just to touch me. I had probably underestimated just how much of a temptation my blood really was for him. As an adult, I'd come to realize that things are never as easy as you imagined them to be in your youth.

Edward had always insisted that I could be hurt, or worse, if we took things too far. I wasn't sure if that was simply due to his immense strength or if was it something else. I'd always assumed it was the blood lust, too. Though I wanted to know the truth, I wasn't sure that I wanted to hear that it was really impossible for us to be together, in the way a man and a woman were meant to be together.

I'd experienced physical intimacy at one time in my past, and I felt far too young for that part of my life to be over completely. Still, there was no one for me but Edward. There was nobody who could touch me the way he could. If I couldn't share that with Edward, then I didn't want it at all.

Gradually, my muscles began singing the praises of the hot shower. I finally felt human again after washing my hair and body. I did decide to shave my legs, hoping that at the very least, Edward would hold me tonight. Lord knows he would feel the three days of stubble through my pajamas if I left them like they were.

My stomach growled and I remembered the pizza. I had forgotten to give Edward money and I couldn't just assume that he had cash, even if I didn't want him paying for things. I wasn't sure what to do. On one hand, he would probably assume that calling him in here was a blatant stunt to tempt him, especially after my performance in the stairwell. On the other hand, if he didn't have cash and couldn't find mine, I would have no pizza. Although, I could imagine Edward being able to dazzle his way out of that predicament. He would never let me go hungry.

"Ugh." I groaned without thinking. I slapped my hand over my mouth as soon as I heard my own voice. He heard that too, of course. Actually, he would have heard just about everything in here, even without opening the door. Maybe, I should just talk to him from here.

"Edward?" I called, just loud enough to be heard through the door with human ears. "If you can hear me, I forgot to leave you money for the pizza. If you need cash, my wallet is in a black handbag under the desk in the living room. Okay? And, thank you."

I was feeling a little silly talking to myself for all intents and purposes, when there was a light knock on the door. I jerked in surprise and the razor slipped at the same time, just enough to slice open my left shin.

"Sssss," I hissed. _Oh, crap_.

This was not good; I was bleeding. I put the cut under the water quickly, hoping to rinse away the offensive red liquid and dilute the scent. It stung like a son of a gun and I hissed again.

"Bella? Are you alright? I just came to tell you the pizza is here, I already took care of it," he said through the door. Before I could answer, I heard the knob turn.

"No, Edward, don't!"

"You're bleeding." Edward's voice was husky and filled with an almost eerie calm when he cracked the door open a little.

"It's nothing, I was shaving. Just a little nick, really. Maybe you should get some air?" _Oh, God._ Would he think that I did this on purpose?

'_Maybe not. But, I think there will be.' _My words from just minutes ago echoed in my head.

"Don't be ridiculous, Bella. I wouldn't leave you bleeding in the shower. I'm fine and it doesn't smell like a little nick. Are you sure you are okay?" His usually velvet soft voice returned.

"I don't want you to be in any pain because of me. It will stop in a minute or two, and I can put some liquid bandage on it when I get out. That should seal it."

"If you need to glue your skin back together, I do not think that counts as a 'nic-k'. Can I at least take a look?"

"I'm in the shower, Edward."

"I realize that. Could you possibly put your leg out here a little so I can see?" he asked patiently.

"Really? Are you sure? It's still bleeding. What about the thirst? Are you okay?" I felt guilty doubting him, but it wouldn't be kind of me not to consider his feelings.

"I'm in control, love. You have nothing to fear from me right now," he reassured me with his soothing words.

I sighed, "I know."

I reached for the shower curtain and turned so that I would be able to put my leg out through the opening without completely exposing myself. I removed my leg from the running water and slowly lifted it up to the edge of the shower and out to Edward's waiting hand. He was on one knee and looked up to meet my eyes before taking my foot and examining my leg. My heart fluttered at his touch, and I felt a very familiar warmth accompanying the butterflies in my stomach.

The half-inch cut was about midway down my shin and the blood trickled freely down my leg. It was bleeding less than it had been, but it was still bright red. I looked away from the sight and tried to focus and breathe through my mouth. The smell hadn't hit me yet, but I didn't want to be standing like this when it did and end up passing out naked in the shower. That just wasn't my idea of romantic or sexy at all.

"This is no nick, Bella. At least it's a clean cut." He rubbed up and down my calf with one hand, holding my foot still in the other. I was nervous and started to pull my leg back, but it felt amazing. I looked down at his face and saw him staring at my cut. He looked lost deep inside some thought.

"Will at-home first aid be sufficient, or shall we call in the trauma surgeons?" I joked with him softly, trying to ease some of the tension I felt. "I really think a little antiseptic and some liquid bandage will work well. It burns like wildfire, but it works pretty well on little things like this."

"Burns? What burns?" Edward asked, furrowing his brow. He looked to be thinking even harder now.

"The liquid band-aid stuff. It burns until it dries." I reached down to touch his face. "What are you thinking about with that beautiful mind of yours?" I asked.

He kissed my fingers and looked up at me his eyes dark. Whether from thirst or desire, I could not be certain.

"Bella, I want to try something. But... I don't know if it's a very good idea." His eyes stayed locked on mine and I felt the flickering of an electrical pulse that had been gone for so long. It freely began flowing between us and the rest of the world fell away.

"Are you asking my permission? Or my guidance?" I asked with a shaky voice.

"Both." His voice was calm but had an edge to it.

"You won't hurt me. I trust you." I whispered my consent and felt my heart rate pick up pace as his expression filled with relief and desire.

I watched as Edward turned his mouth up in a hint of a smirk. He leaned closer to my leg. He ran his nose up the length of my calf, from my ankle to my knee. He carefully avoided the side where my blood ran down the wet skin. He paused looking up at me from under his eyelashes and placed a chaste kiss on my knee. As he moved his mouth down toward my ankle again, his cool tongue darted out and licked my shin.

_Holy. Canoli._

I stood there watching him in shock. He trailed his perfect tongue up the path of blood, effectively cleaning my skin of the liquid. When he reached the actual cut, he stopped. He used his fingers to gently push the cut together, then opened his mouth once more and licked up and then down again before kissing it gently.

I was both stunned and significantly turned on. It tingled slightly where the cut had been, but my entire body tingled from head to toe in a way that I was certain had nothing to do with his venom. I was beginning to shake and the white spots in my vision told me, just a moment too late, that I'd stopped breathing. I felt myself falling, but never landed.

"Bella? Love, please open your eyes. Are you hurt, does it burn?"

I felt warm liquid running over my body, but cool marble underneath me. I breathed deeply, filling my lungs with his heavenly sent. I was sure this was a dream; there was no way that had just happened.

"Bella?" The urgency in his voice brought me back from my thoughts and I opened my eyes.

"Edward?" I blinked, as water splashed down onto my face.

"Thank God. Are you in pain?"

"No. Just, please tell me you are really here. That never would have happened in my dreams but it was too amazing to be real." I touched his face, his mouth, his wet hair. I paused. Why was he wet?

_Oh, lord. He's in the shower with me. _

"I'm here. This is real, a little too real. I need you to talk to me. Does your leg hurt? Is it burning?" His eyes were panicked, and his face seemed even more pale than usual.

"My leg? No. No burning. In fact, nothing hurts right now." I smiled shyly.

"Are you sure? Really truly, you feel nothing?" He pushed.

"I wouldn't say I feel nothing. But, no my leg is not burning. It tingles a little, but it doesn't even sting." I touched his hard, tense face. He wouldn't really look at me, and his eyes were angry.

"Edward, look at me." He met my eyes, and they were still intense. "I remember the burn you're talking about. It's not burning; you didn't hurt me. You did anything but hurt me." I sighed and closed my eyes, hoping this moment would never end.

"I don't know what I was thinking. I wasn't thinking. I am so sorry, Bella. So, so sorry." He clutched me to him and kissed the top of my head.

"Edward?" I said, squirming to make eye contact with him again. "You _were_ thinking. I could see it on your face. You were concentrating really hard on something, and you wouldn't have done that if you thought there was any significant risk it would hurt me or... change me. I know you well enough to know that." I found his eyes with my own, and blinked slightly as the water plopped and splattered over and between us. "Tell me, what were you thinking about?" I asked.

"I was remembering that I did the same thing, after..."

"After?" I thought about it a moment, "After James attacked me? Did you close the bite with your tongue? Is that it?" I asked looking up into his eyes.

"Yes. I had to be very careful to swallow back all of the venom I could, but you were bleeding badly, so I closed the wound. I asked Carlisle about it later. We can only think that the venom has to be pushed into a blood vessel, or that it takes a certain amount. The small amount left in the connective tissue must not have been enough to continue the change. We didn't really know for certain; there was no way to test the theory. It was stupid and reckless for me to take that risk with you." He leaned his forehead against mine, his eyes closed again.

I reached up and kissed him softly. "That was possibly one of the most intense moments of my entire life; in a really good way. I am glad you took the risk. There are so many wonderful things we would miss out in life if we're afraid to take a chance." I was pretty sure that I sounded like a Hallmark card, but it made my point.

He shook his head. "There are some chances that are never worth the risk. You're life is far too precious, and not just to me. I'm sorry, my love."

I squirmed around in his arms, twisting as I tried to get to my feet. He let me down, but held my body tightly to his own. My arms were tucked against his chest and his arms were wrapped around me securely.

"I forgive you. I more than forgive you, really. I encouraged you to do it, and I'm grateful to you. Thank you. Thank you for giving me that moment. You've given me so much more today than I could have wished for."

"Oh? What is it you think I have given you today? And, the pizza doesn't count." He kissed my forehead.

"Well, you are here in my shower. You're holding me and despite my lack of appropriate clothing, you're not running away."

"I am, very, aware of that," he said lowly. I moved my arms from where they were cradled against his chest and wrapped them around his waist. He stiffened slightly and then added, "You know I would never have invaded your privacy under normal circumstances."

"I know. But..." I paused, not wanting to screw this up. "Now that you have, you may do so anytime you wish. For as long as you are here. I love being in your arms. I don't feel embarrassed, and I kind of hope that you might feel the same." I kissed the wet shirt on his chest. After a long moment of silence, I wondered if I had said the wrong thing.

"Edward?" I looked up to find his eyes, but he was staring at the wall behind me.

"I'm not embarrassed, Bella. I want to be near you too, more than you can know." He stared straight ahead.

"That's really nice to hear. Will you look at me, please?"

He looked down hesitantly, his gaze avoiding everything but my eyes.

"Edward. This was an accident. My leg, I mean. I would never, try, to... I mean, I know that I teased you before I came in here. I only meant that if you stayed, eventually, I would do or say something that would make you uncomfortable. Not that I was about to..."

I loosened my hold on him, and looked down at his wet clothes. He still had his shoes on.

"Edward, I would never do something like this intentionally. I don't plan stuff and even if I had, you know I am a horrible actress. At least, I hope you know that." I could feel the tears welling up in my eyes.

"Look at me, love." I did as he asked, ignoring the tears. Maybe he would mistake them for water drops.

He searched my face quickly, and then leaned down to kiss my eyes and nose. "I know that. I'm sorry for even entertaining the thought. You're right. I know you would never intentionally lure me with your blood. I trust you, as you trust me. Please, don't cry."

I sniffled and wiped my eyes, "I knew the moment I cut myself that you would think... I realized what it must have sounded like to you. Saying what I said, the way I said it, and then coming in here and cutting my leg wide open. I'm such an idiot."

Edward cupped my face in his hands and kissed me. It was a sweet, slow, and adoring kiss. I was melting into his body when he finally pulled his mouth away. "You may not talk about the woman I love that way." I leaned into his chest, breathing heavily against him. I nodded my agreement.

"If you insist," I said looking up to his eyes, and slowly let go of his waist.

I carefully stepped back into the water, wetting my almost dry hair. I needed to finish up my shower; the water was already starting to cool. I had about two minutes before it would be ice cold.

"Could you hand me the conditioner, it's the purple bottle," I asked my still clothed companion.

"Uh, Bella... Maybe I should wait outside," he said, turning to look for the bottle.

"It's up to you. I told you that I want you here. But, I don't want you to be uncomfortable either. Just throw your clothes back in here before they soak the floor, please. We can put them in the dryer," I said taking the bottle out of his hand.

I quickly squeezed a generous amount of conditioner into my hand and started to lean past Edward to put the bottle back. He grabbed it from my hand. "I got it."

I met his eyes, which were filled with an intense fire and my traitorous heart skipped a beat. I stood lost in his gaze for a moment, before the water cooled and snapped me out of my daze. I put the conditioner in my hair, running my fingers through it, making sure to get every inch. I massaged my scalp and noticed Edward looking at me.

He was really looking... at all of me. I watched him in awe and a little nervousness as he took in my form. His scrutiny caused me to shiver.

"You're cold." He met my eyes and reached up with his hand to feel the water.

"No," I answered truthfully. I was cold, but the bumps on my skin had nothing to do with the water temperature. I stepped under the water and rinsed. I closed my eyes and tried to think calming thoughts.

I felt a blast of cold air and wiped the water out of my eyes to see what it was. Edward was gone. I tipped my head back to get the rest of the conditioner out of my hair and off my skin, then bent down to turn the faucet off and started ringing the water out of my hair. When my toe hit something on the shower floor, I looked down. It was one of Edward's shoes, with his clothes piled on top.

Even though the water was off and I was cold, I couldn't bring myself to move. I stood there staring at his wet clothes for much longer than was necessary.

I grabbed the shower curtain and pulled it open just enough to look around. There was Edward, smiling shyly, my towel wrapped around his waist. He held a second towel out for me. I laughed and took the towel from him.

"Thank you, sir," I said, feeling quite meek.

"You are most welcome." He pulled the curtain open as soon as I had the towel in front of me, and held out his hand to help me out.

"Uh, I need to dry off a little," I said, feeling surprisingly bashful all of a sudden. "You may want to avert your eyes. I am still not the most graceful creature on the planet."

"Hmm, well then, I wouldn't want to distract you and have you injuring yourself further this evening. I'll just step out for a minute." He turned to leave.

"Wait. Stand right there, I'll just be a second. Don't move." With his back to me, I dried as quickly as I could without losing my balance. When I had the towel wrapped around me, I cleared my throat.

"All done." I smiled and watched him turn around with some hesitancy.

He smiled softly and reached out to take my hands. He picked me up, lifting me out of the shower and pulling me close to his chest. His skin was hard, but smoother than silk and still somewhat warmed from the heat of the shower. I wanted to wrap him all around me.

"Mmm," I moaned softly against him and closed my eyes. "I still can't believe you are here. It's been a nightmare these last few days... and years, if I'm being honest. I tried, I really did. I tried to live without you, but I don't want to do it anymore. I need you in my life, so much. I love you, Edward." I kissed his bare chest.

He lifted me up, bringing my lips to his, speaking soft words against them. "My love." _Kiss._ "My life." _Kiss._ "You _are_ my heart and my soul. They do not exist apart from you. Everything I am is right here with you. In every breath you take, and every beat of your heart, you give me life. I need you, too. More than I could ever tell you."

We kissed for what felt like hours, just standing in my tiny bathroom. We shared both sweet, chaste kisses and tender, longing kisses. Our last kiss sent me gasping for air and sliding down the wall to sit on the floor with my head between my knees. Edward found himself leaning back against the sink, gripping it hard enough to nearly tear it off the wall. When we had both regained some composure, he scooped me up in his arms like a small child and walked down the hall toward my bedroom.

Edward disappeared almost as soon as I was on my feet standing at the end of the bed. I thought that I felt his towel slip a little when we walked in the room, and stifled a laugh, just smiling to myself. If it had been my towel, I probably would have wished for vampire speed. Which was strange considering that I had just been openly naked in the shower with Edward, and then kissing him like my life depended on it.

I looked around the room and wondered what I should do. Wait for him? Get dressed? Drop the towel, bashfulness be damned?

I heard the click of the washing machine downstairs and the sound of water running. _Ahh. _Edward would need something to wear. Not that I really wanted to cover him back up, but I thought that I remembered Edward well enough to know not to push him too far. I wasn't ready for the rush of our reunion and the high of a new experience together to end.

I pushed the door shut quietly and went to my dresser. I rifled through my drawers looking for a matching set of underclothes. I usually went for comfort, but I had nice lingerie that I wore just for myself on occasion. I found the perfect compromise, a pair of charcoal grey stretch-cotton hipsters with dark pink lace around the waistband and little bow. The matching camisole was one of my favorites. It was a soft, stretchy V-neck with lace trim and had just enough support in the bust to keep my girls comfortable and perky. It hugged my body so that I could wear it under pajamas or a tee shirt with ease.

After slipping those on, I grabbed the black, white and pink flannel pajama pants that Masen bought me for Christmas. I threw on a white thermal top and opened the door to head back to the bathroom. I combed my hair and hung my towel, then scrunched in some anti-frizz gel, put on my moisturizer, brushed my teeth and put a little clear gloss on.

I went into the hall, heading back to the attic. I was about to climb up onto a stepladder to reach for the attic stairs when I felt two cold hands slide around my waist from behind me.

"What are you doing?" Edward asked leaning his chin over my shoulder.

I gasped loudly and let out a little yelp. He had startled me. Recovering, I answered him. "Um, I was going to grab some things out of the attic for you."

"You don't need to do that, Bella. I can wait for my clothes to dry." He let me go and I turned to face him.

_Don't look at the towel, don't look at the towel, don't look at the towel. Do not look at his chest, do not look at his chest, do not look at the abs... _

"Where you planning on wearing your clothes to bed?" I asked, a split second before my brain caught up with me. I giggled at my own mistake. "Right. You don't sleep."

Edward was smiling. The beauty I found in his smile was like watching a flower bloom, like seeing life begin. It was absolute magic. In that smile, I could see what looked like years of strain just melt away. I found myself stupidly grinning back at him like a giddy schoolgirl.

"Okay, so scratch that." I started again. "Were you planning on wearing the same clothes for the rest of eternity? Or did you bring some things with you? Because, I have few things of Charlie's that I just washed and put away today. Will that work for tonight?"

"I don't want you to have to do that, Bella. I appreciate the gesture, but they were your father's things. I wouldn't feel right about that," he said seriously.

"Edward, I miss my dad. I really do. But those things, they're just things. They are not him or his memory. They are clothes. If anything, it would be nice to see something of my father's on the only other man I have ever truly loved." I looked up into his eyes. He seemed surprised by my sentiment.

"I know exactly what you mean, my love. I would be honored to wear anything of Charlie's that you wish to give me." Edward spoke reverently and then lifted my left hand to his mouth. He placed a kiss just below my knuckles and pulled my hand to his stilled heart. The look in his eyes told me that if it were at all possible, there would be tears there to mirror the ones rapidly filling my own.

I looked into his golden eyes for a moment after the intensity of his emotion lifted. His words left me feeling a little puzzled. There was some unspoken sentiment there that I was missing. I couldn't quite place it, but I knew he meant something more than I was picking up on. As I considered his words again, he smirked and smiled a twisted smile.

I hadn't known what to expect of Edward's return. I had known for a number of years now that he loved me in one way or another. After Masen was born, Alice sent me every baby item imaginable and a very, very long letter. Oddly, she seemed surprised when I emailed her a week or so later.

Through our correspondence, I eventually found out that Edward had left me in an attempt to protect me after the incident with Jasper on my eighteenth birthday. I'd learned that he had lied to me when he told me that he didn't want me. I'd learned that his life fell apart without me, just as my life had fallen into an abyss without him. I'd also learned that although he'd come to believe that having a life with me was impossible, he always had, and always would, love me just the same.

I, of course, had never once stopped loving Edward and it was something I had accepted many, many years ago. I'd known after becoming a mother that it would have been impossible to be with him in the way I'd once dreamed of being with him, the time that had passed only made me more certain of it.

I'd aged and would continue to do so with each passing day. I had Masen to think of and he needed me; I couldn't leave him or abandon him. Nor could I risk exposing my son to the dangers that were inherent when you kept company with vampires. What if we'd come across another James? That was not a risk that either Edward or I, were willing to take. Consequently, we had lived apart for over a decade, truly believing that was to be our only future.

And now... here Edward stood in front of me and I was confessing the depth and longevity of my feelings for him without a thought as to how it was all going to end.

"Let me help you get that," he said, reaching up for the attic stairs with one hand, while holding the bath towel he still wore around his waist with the other hand. I stared at him, still considering the significance of accepting clothing that had belonged to Charlie, but I was quite distracted by the fact that I had never before seen so much of Edward Cullen.

He easily opened and unfolded the stairs for me with one hand and turned around to catch me still watching him, with what I can only assume was a look of wonder and curiosity on my face.

"What is it, Bella?" he asked, looking down and around. His eyes widened a little and he began to look embarrassed.

"Oh, nothing. Just..." I bit my bottom lip, hesitating. Having considered the sight before me, I decided to be honest. "I think I had better get you something to wear." I raised a teasing eyebrow at him.

"Oh."

I tore myself away from the beauty of his body and climbed up into the attic. I found what I was looking for with no trouble at all. There were a few pairs of plaid flannel pajama pants and an old Forks Police Dept. "Charity Bowl-a-Thon" tee shirt that looked like it would fit. I didn't have any boxers or briefs for him, but there were some unopened tube socks that I grabbed before going back down.

"Bowl-A-Thon?" Edward asked, chuckling when I handed him the clothes.

"Yep. I think they held one every year for the last few years, at least they did before Charlie got sick and retired," I answered.

"I'll be just a moment." Edward excused himself to the bathroom and I went to put the attic stairs away. He called to me through the closed door. "Bella, I'll get that. Don't even think about it."

I laughed. "As you wish," I responded. I turned and went downstairs to get something to eat before things got too distracting again.

I reached the bottom stair and looked into the kitchen to find Edward waiting for me.

"How?" I looked back up the stairs at the bathroom. I looked back at him utterly surprised.

"I told you it would be just a moment." He smirked.

"But, did you go? How did you get down? Did you go outside?" I stammered.

"Bella, I'm a vampire. You would never see me coming if I didn't want you to. Have you forgotten?" He was looking pretty smug and laughing under his breath when he saw my face. My eyes were wide and my mouth hung open.

I recovered and huffed out a response. "Huh. I guess I shouldn't be surprised; it's just been a while since I've dealt with magically disappearing and reappearing vampires. Have you ever thought of taking up a side job as a magician? I know of a few good dinner shows that are hiring." I punctuated my sarcasm by crossing my arms in front of my chest.

He laughed out loud and then seemed to think about it for a moment.

"Only if you are willing to be my lovely assistant, bunny outfit and all." I raised an eyebrow.

I laughed, somewhat shocked by his response.

_I just might be able to arrange that..._

_

* * *

_

**End Note:**

_That last little bit is dedicated to a friend whose husband is a magician and illusionist. She is fond of being his beautiful assistant behind closed doors ;-)._


	3. Chapter 3

_**Disclaimer:**__ All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot of Twilight are the property of Stephenie Meyer. The original characters and plot of The Past Comes Back to Bite You are the property of fanfiction author, "sillybella". No copyright infringement or disrespect is intended._

_**Story Notes:**__ This short story is a New Moon AU that takes place over sixteen years after Bella's fateful 18th birthday. When Edward left, Bella was forced to go to Jacksonville to live with her mother. Years later she finds her way back to Forks but when Charlie dies far too young, Bella finds herself alone in a house full of memories._

_

* * *

_

**Chapter 3: **

Thirty minutes, two slices of mushroom pizza and a small garden salad later, I was sprawled out on the living room floor next to Edward. We had pushed the coffee table aside and he was looking through photo albums. I was looking at him.

He'd walked back into my life less than an hour ago and I dove in head first. I wouldn't even try to deny it, I was hopelessly in love with him. I waited for the pain to come back as I sat on the floor watching his every move. There was only warmth. I waited for the paralyzing fear that he would suddenly disappear or that I would wake up and find it was only a dream. There was only peace. The voice that told me I was having a hallucination, the voice that told me to push him away before he could break my heart or make me lose my mind again, never came. The voice was gone, the fear was gone, the pain was gone. The last sixteen years were gone, there was just Edward and me.

"Who is this? She looks familiar," Edward asked, pointing a picture of Charlie with an irritated looking woman sitting across from him at a table in the local bowling alley.

"That's Sue Clearwater. She doesn't like to have her picture taken and she liked it even less when the boys were egging her on to kiss Charlie, or hold his hand, or let him move in. Which never happened, by the way. Look at his face though, you can see that he adored her. They were very close."

"Mmm. Who are 'the boys'? Her sons?" he asked, studying me.

"Well, her son is Seth and he is one of 'the boys', yeah. Some of the young men down at La Push are kind of like brothers, more than just friends. Jacob is a part of that group even though we lived in Florida for so long, but I still can't explain the bond they have. It's a tribe thing, I guess. After her husband died, Sue sort of took them all in under her arm and under her roof from time to time. They come and go, but they are all her boys."

"And she had a daughter, yes?" Edward asked.

I turned and looked at him surprised, Leah had died very suddenly just before Masen's fourth birthday, but I wasn't aware that Edward had known the Clearwaters. Jacob, Masen and I were on our way to Washington for a visit and ended up having to stay for her funeral. "Yes. She did, did you know her?"

"No. Not really. I think I met her once," Edward said, and I watched the mask go up.

"Edward? Did you know Leah?" I asked again, turning on my side to look directly into his eyes. It was my most intimidating 'mom' face and always got a confession out of Masen. How rotten was I to try to use it on Edward? He was technically 86 years older than me.

Edward looked at the picture of Charlie and Sue hard, then shook his head before turning on his side, his head resting on his elbow. He sighed and his eyes softened.

"I knew I was going to have to tell you this story, I just didn't think it would come up so soon."

My heart tightened and fluttered a little, beating rapidly. I could feel the butterflies in my stomach threatening to turn into full out nausea.

"Calm down, love. It's okay. Tell me what it is you are thinking," he asked, brushing my cheek with his soft cool fingers.

"Umm, I... I am wondering, _how _you knew Leah? She was not the nicest girl in the world, and she went to school in La Push several years ahead of us. She was not terribly social even among the tribe, even though she was _very_ beautiful," I looked down. I was so ridiculous for feeling this way, I had no right to be jealous even if Edward had known her. Which was unlikely, except he said that there was a story there and he didn't want to tell me about it.

"Bella. I didn't really know her at all. Even if I had, it wouldn't have mattered how beautiful she was, because she never could have made me stop seeing your face everywhere I looked. Not to mention that her thoughts were mostly bitter and vindictive. She was a woman scorned, and she wasn't someone that I could have spent much time around. Believe me when I tell you that." He continued to caress my face, my shoulder, my arm.

"Oh," I said, shivers running up and down my body. "So, how did you two meet?"

"The way we met was somewhat troubling and complicated, but I don't mind telling you. So... I was in the area when she died, in Forks actually. She was with mutual...friends, at the time it happened and it shouldn't have happened. It was a tragic accident." Edward looked troubled and I wanted to know what he knew about her death and just exactly how they had mutual friends.

"That doesn't sound _so _complicated," I answered. Thinking about Leah's death made me want to ask him if he knew that I was here for the funeral. Did he see me? Did he see my son? Was that when he made the decision that he had to stay away from us? "What is the 'troubling' part?"

He cleared his throat and spoke softly but with determination, "Hmm, well that would be the reason that I couldn't come back to you. Part of why I waited for so many years. And then, you were already settled with a child, building a family of sorts." Edward continued his gentle caresses, his hand glided down my arm to my wrist. He took my hand in his, squeezing gently. "Would you like to know what kept me from you, Bella? A lot happened here, while you were living in Florida."

I looked at him, stunned. Of course I wanted to know. I wanted to hear that it was some great injustice that kept him from me. I needed to hear that it was just as difficult for him as it was for me. At the same time, I wasn't sure I wanted to hear what he had to say. I didn't want to hear him tell me how he wasn't any good for me, again. Or that he stayed away because he decided that was what was best, while I had a breakdown.

Still, I knew that we needed talk about everything unsaid and unknown between us. We needed to clear the air and start again. That didn't change the fact that I was scared to hear what had kept him away. Somehow he had managed to go on, at least he'd stayed away until it was too late for us. I started trembling. Trepidation, along with memories of the greatest hurt I'd ever endured, took their toll.

"Bella. Please look at me. I will never hurt you again, I will never leave you, I will never lie to you. Just tell me that you are ready to talk about this now. I want to tell you everything. I want you to be sure of me, to trust me again, but if you're not ready there is no rush."

He scooted closer to me, then lay down on his back, all the while holding my gaze. He looked fearful that perhaps I might get up and run away. I tried to smile and invite him nearer to me with my eyes alone; I was afraid I wouldn't be able to speak.

His arm slipped underneath me and he pulled me over his chest so that I was lying across him, looking down at his perfect face. "Do you want to know?" he asked again softly.

I did want to know. I wanted to know everything, even though it terrified me. I nodded to him and then snuggled down so that I was on the floor at his side, tucked under his arm with my head resting on his firm, sculpted chest. I closed my eyes and put one leg over his, tangling our feet together, and I hugged him tightly.

Edward held me and seemed to inhale the scent of my hair. I could feel him relax and I relaxed a little in kind.

I found my voice and decided to tell him what I did know.

"Alice told me that you left to protect me. She explained what happened after the birthday disaster, that they went to Alaska. She was so distraught over what Jasper was going through that she didn't see you or me, or what you said to me when you left.

"She told me that you two argued over your decision considerably when she did find out; how she was angry and you were stubborn. Although, she may have used some stronger words than that. She told me that you were a big, fat liar." I tried to think of Alice's tinkling voice describing Edward and it made me smile.

"Of course, all of that would have mattered little once Masen was born. So I tried not to dwell on what caused you to leave, or kept you from coming back. It didn't matter. It couldn't be changed and it couldn't change how I felt about you. I just tried to live my life for my son; giving him all I had left and being thankful for having ever having experienced love at all."

Edward kissed my hair and sighed, "You know that I came back to you, don't you?"

I held him tighter, knowing my tears were not far away.

"I returned to Forks to discover that your mother had taken you with her to live in Florida. It was February then, five excruciating months after I left you. I was a mess. I'm not sure what you would have thought if you had been there to see me. I got so impatient to see you that I almost ran all the way to Florida. I did finally start thinking straight enough to get cleaned up and take a flight the rest of the way."

I sat up and looked at his face, a little smile playing on my lips. "I always knew you'd been to Florida. Renee told me that I imagined it, that I was depressed and confused from sleep deprivation. But I knew it was real. Some small part of me always knew."

"How did you know, love?" he asked softly. His ocher eyes danced between pain and wonder.

"The CD and the photos from my scrapbook." I smiled and then snuggled back into the crook of his arm. "When they just showed up at my mom's house, in an unmarked manila envelope with no postmark, just my name on the front in nondescript writing? I knew then that you must have been there. I suppose it could have been Alice, but I assumed that she would have made more of a show of it. Some designer gift box for the CD, and I know she would have never left the photos loose and crinkled." I smiled at the thought.

"So, I felt certain it was you, but I couldn't understand. You promised me that it would be like you never existed at all. I couldn't understand why you would return those things to me if you wanted me to pretend you didn't exist. If I meant nothing to you at all, or if you wanted me to forget about you, they would have been destroyed when you left. And, it didn't make any sense for you to have gone to all the trouble of taking them and then mysteriously returning them just to hurt me. I mean, you may have acted cold and distant that day in the woods, but you were never intentionally cruel to me before."

I paused, trying to keep an even tone and not become overwhelmed by my emotions.

"I thought maybe it was out of guilt, that you had somehow found out that I'd been institutionalized. I'd been accused of making our relationship up, of being delusional. But after thinking about it non-stop for weeks, I realized something.

"You wouldn't give me the proof that I needed to know I wasn't going crazy, if the things you said to me when you left were true. If your parting words had been the truth, you wouldn't want me to remember you at all.

"Even after all the times you told me that you loved me, after writing music for me and saving my life time and again; why would you get involved if you didn't care? I figured it out. I knew that you cared enough to want me to remember that you were real. Even if you didn't love me as I loved you, you cared enough not to deny me that."

He rolled over with lightning speed, cradling me gently in his arms so that I was lying on my back looking up into his eyes.

"Oh, Bella. Bella... I _did_ love you. I _do_ love you. I have _always_ loved you." He stroked my face and hair, his eyes searching my own for something,

"You knew that somehow? You believed the lie, but you believed the truth as well. You are remarkable, Bella. I was a fool of the most tragic kind, trying to deny the amazing creature that you are. I was wrong to leave you, to hurt you, to deny the depth, and sheer power of your love for me." He kissed me and stroked my face, wiping my tears away his thumbs and then his lips.

He lowered his head to my chest, placing his ear over my heart and cradled me tenderly to his body.

I ran my fingers through his hair, reveling in the sensation of being with him like this.

"I heard you, Edward. Before I ended up in the hospital, I thought I heard you. You were there in my room and you whispered to me. You were there, I felt you. I knew that I heard you. The doctors and therapists, my mother, Phil, they all told me it was a hallucination. But when the envelope showed up a few days after I got home, I knew that I wasn't crazy. I knew that you had really been there. And if I really think about it, I knew it even before then. But I never understood why, not really. You..." My voice cracked and I couldn't continue.

"Left? Again? I left you again, is that what you were going to say?" Edward's musical voice trembled at his own words. He sat up looking at me and wiped my eyes again before pulling me close. He let out a drawn breath.

"When I went back to Forks for you, I could tell you hadn't been there in months. After a few days I heard Charlie's anxious thoughts. He knew Renee was keeping things from him. She made it sound like you were fine, but he could tell when he talked to you that you were no better than you'd been. I saw in his mind what my leaving did to you and I hated myself for it, but as I said before, I practically sprinted all the way to Florida to find you. I couldn't stay away, but I didn't know if you'd forgive me or even want me after what I had done to you. But I had to go, for both Charlie and for myself."

My eyes filled with tears at the thought of Charlie worrying for me like that. He had been so desperate to help me that he was forced to send me away. He loved me so much, and I never really saw it at the time. I was so angry at him for making me leave. It must have been excruciating for him to have to do that.

He took a breath and rubbed my back soothingly before beginning again, "I got to Jacksonville. Alice reminded me to call your house like a normal ex-boyfriend. Renee was furious; she refused to let me speak to you or let you know that I called. She said you were finally getting your life back together. I saw in her mind how difficult a time you had when she brought you to live with her. You were like a zombie, Bella. She threatened to have me arrested if I came to see you, so I figured that I shouldn't just walk right up to the front door. I tried emailing you with my new phone number, I suppose like a normal teenage suitor would. Finally, I decided to hell with it. I would wait for you in your room one day when your mother was out.

"Alice called a split second before you got home; she said she'd had a vision of you completely breaking down. You would open the door and see me and just collapse. Then, Alice saw you in the hospital, completely catatonic, and then your mom and Phil were talking about vampires with a doctor."

"Oh my gosh!" I gasped. " They would have locked me up and thrown away the key."

"Alice thought so too, love. I didn't want to leave you though. You were so close to me, I could hear you and feel your presence. I could smell your intoxicating scent and I wanted to take you in my arms and make you mine forever. I told Alice I wouldn't allow her vision to happen, but she insisted it was only getting clearer. So, I left through the window and hid outside of your house trying to figure out how to make things right by you. How to come back to you and not hurt you more than I already had.

"Later that night, I couldn't stay away another second. You were sleeping so soundly and your mother had been medicating you. She put it in your iced tea so you wouldn't know. I was terrified because I couldn't hear your heartbeat or your breathing from outside of the house, so I came in to check on you. At least, that was what I told myself.

"I don't know how to explain it, and I even wondered if I weren't hallucinating myself, but you knew that I was there. You spoke my name; in the midst of your medicated semi-coma you rolled over and reached out to me, calling my name. I was in such anguish seeing you like that, but not being able to touch or talk to you.

"I was overcome with remorse and still, I was as selfish as I'd ever been when I climbed onto the bed next to you. I held you for a long time and you slept. But, I knew I had to tell you. I had to confess that I had lied to you. That I loved you still. So I whispered my confession to you and then... then I kissed you.

"It was so wrong and selfish, but you smiled and your heart rate increased noticeably and then you were quiet again. Just as I was sure you were sleeping peacefully, you suddenly began crying, and then screaming. Your mother and Phil came running so I had to go. As soon as I left your side, you became more than just hysterical. I have never heard anything like it.

"I almost knocked the front door down just to get back inside, but Alice and Jasper got there and stopped me. They had to hold me down."

He stroked my back and I felt my tears soaking through his shirt.

"The sun came up and the morning was so bright. We couldn't come out in the open to get to the door and watched like trapped rats while your mother and Phil took you to the hospital. We found out later that evening that you had been admitted to an inpatient psychiatric program. I called Carlisle and asked him to come, to get you out so that we could take you home to Forks and Charlie."

I started sobbing quietly into Edward's chest; I couldn't really remember anything about that day. I knew that it had happened somewhat like that because Renee had told me about the episode and my 'hallucinations'. But to find out that she had spoken to Edward, that she knew he wanted to see me, to speak with me and she still decided to put me in that place? Why did I never know about him coming for me?

I was livid. I felt betrayed and heartbroken anew at the very thought.

"Shh, Bella. Shh, love. Please don't cry. It's okay now. It's over, it's in the past. I'm here. You didn't let us break you, not any of us. You made yourself so strong despite everything going against you. Bella, please, please don't cry. We're together now." He held me to him, pulling me up on top of him and sitting up until I was seated in his lap, his strong arms holding and rocking me lightly.

I tucked my head into his neck and cried until the tears wouldn't come anymore. Edward was right, I was stronger now. I had worked so hard to get through the grief process, but suddenly it felt as though I had something new to grieve. I was upset, but determined to move on as quickly as possible. I would not let things long since passed get the better of me. I was betrayed but not broken.

Eventually, I could feel the acceptance washing through me. I stopped my cries and held closely to the hard figure that gave me comfort. I breathed deeply of the scent that was only Edward's and felt the air in my lungs replacing the anguish in my chest. I wiped my eyes and shifted so that I was facing him by sitting straddled across his folded legs. He reached over to one of the end tables for a box of tissues and handed them to me.

I took it gratefully. "I'm sorry about that. The crying and the hysterics... It's just part of the process. I'm okay," I said in between attempts to calm my breathing.

"Are you sure? We don't have to do this now."

"Yes, we do." I said firmly, placing a hand on his chest and staring severely at him.

"I am not going to run and hide from it. I lost too much of my life like that, Edward. That's how I ended up in that place. Not because you came back, but because I ran from the pain and I hid. I don't know why I freaked out or why I couldn't stop the nightmares, but I tried to hide from them rather than deal with them and it swept me under." My faced dared him to contradict me, though I could tell he wouldn't.

He smiled ever so crookedly and sat back, crossing his legs underneath me and moving me until I was seated just in front of him. Our knees were touching and he took the hand that wasn't full of Kleenex and laced our fingers together.

"Alright, then. What else do you want to talk about?" he asked, stroking my cheek with the back of his hand and smiling his most disarming smile. He was doing his best to make me lose my senses with that twisted, sexy smile.

I closed my eyes and smiled back. "Okay, now stop. I know you're trying to distract me. I can handle this... just dish."

He breathed in deeply and back out, I think in an attempt to use that sweet vampire super scent to relax me further. It worked and I did relax, taking my own deep breath to match his and opening my eyes.

"Dish, huh?"

"Yes, give it to me straight." I made an attempt at a smile.

"Okay. While you were in the hospital, I tried to make arrangements to get you out of there without kidnapping you or anything else reprehensible, but Alice had a vision. It was... Well, it was not good. You were in danger, Bella. There was a threat to you, and I spent almost five years trying to keep you safe. That is the reason I was not there when you got out of the hospital. Why I couldn't come back for you and take you home with me. You were safer in Florida, away from me."

I stared at him. What was he talking about? What threat? I scrunched my eyebrows together and tilted my head to the side. "What are you talking about?"

"Victoria. James' mate, the female from the baseball clearing. She was out for vengeance and she decided it should be paid mate for mate. The life of my mate, for the life of hers."

I sat there processing what he was saying. I remembered her, the red-headed vampire with the wicked curve ball. I would be lying if I said that she, and the other crimson-eyed predator who was there that day, had never crossed my mind. They had starred in a nightmare or two over the years but then again, so had oversized wolf monsters. I never imagined they might come after me. I started to reel, but felt two strong cool hands on my face.

"Bella, she never got anywhere near you. She didn't know where you were for a very long time. We just never could get our hands on her." He kissed my forehead and I looked at him in disbelief, if not in shock.

"Victoria had... an ability of sorts. She had a sixth sense for escape, for elusion. She got away from us again, and again. We even had some help to catch her, but that only ended up complicating things because for some reason Alice couldn't see Victoria when we worked with the pack.

"Two of us were always close just in case she found out where you were, well as close as we dared to get without exposing your exact location. Just living in Florida protected you a great deal, but it also severely interfered with our abilities to shield you entirely. And after your son was born, Jacob Black was watching out for you every moment. I know this may seem hard to believe but we did speak with him about the situation; he was aware of the threat to you the entire time."

"Wait! Just, wait. You... what? You sent Jacob Black to protect me? An innocent eighteen year old overgrown boy? How in the world was he supposed to stop one of _them_? What about that other vampire, what if he'd come after us? Did you think of that?"

"Yes, of course. The male was of no concern. His name is Laurent. He went to Denali to live with some friends there who share our 'alternative lifestyle' after we met in the baseball clearing. They gladly took Laurent in and taught him. He became fond of one of the sisters and had no allegiance left to Victoria after he found his mate. He helped us as much as possible; as long as it took for us to catch up with her."

"Okay. But, I still don't understand," I said, feeling a bit shaken. Maybe I could ask him to dazzle me again now.

"I know, Bella. Just try to trust me and I will tell you everything, I promise," His lips caressed my forehead once more and the contact centered me to a degree.

"But, Jacob? Why not come back for me, stay with me yourself? Why not change me? You said you that you had wanted to me to be yours. Why leave me human and vulnerable, when there was a solution that fixed both of our problems?" I asked petulantly.

"Bella, you were in no state of mind to make a decision like that. I also had to consider the fact that you may not have wanted me back. You might have developed strong feelings of resentment, or even hostility towards me or my family after I'd left you, and I was not about to condemn you to an eternity of hating me and loathing the monster that I made you."

He dropped his head backward and looked the ceiling, shaking his head slightly before he looked at me with resignation. "Victoria believed you were still in Forks at the time. She was unable to get anywhere near your house, or the school, or even Charlie, because of the Quileutes. So, when I got close enough to realize she was still scouting for a lead on us, I knew I couldn't come back to you. She assumed that I would be wherever you were, or that I would lead her to you. I couldn't do that, I wouldn't do that, I had to stay away from you.

"Unfortunately, while Victoria was on the rampage, she was causing utter mayhem on the entire Olympic peninsula. She was hunting all around Forks, Port Angeles, and on Quileute tribal lands. She was being rather careless about it too. Local law enforcement and search and rescue groups were out in the woods looking for giant bears, not knowing what they were getting in the middle of. I felt a duty to stop her.

"The Quileute wolves were also tracking her. They tried to stop her themselves but they didn't know what she was after. But, I did. It was then that my family and I began working with the wolves to catch Victoria before she brought unnecessary attention to the situation. To coordinate our efforts, it became necessary to use my ability to communicate with the pack." He looked at me expectantly while I digested his words.

I stared at him and my mouth slowly fell open. First of all, Charlie had been out in the woods with a crazed vampire on the loose- a vampire who was looking for me. Secondly, Edward couldn't be serious. Wolves? Quileute wolves? That was just a legend, another one of their scary stories. It couldn't be true, it was impossible. If it they were real, then that would mean...

I had to know.

"Wolf pack? What wolf pack?"

* * *

**End Note:**

_**Essay33**_was awesome when I was writing this. She called me out when it was bad, praised me when it was good, and made me laugh when I made no sense at all. Project Team Beta helped with this story in the early days too. This chapter was also beta'd by PTB's _**CapriciousC**_and _**mycrookedsmile.**_


	4. Chapter 4

_**Disclaimer:**__ All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot of Twilight are the property of Stephenie Meyer. The original characters and plot of The Past Comes Back to Bite You are the property of fanfiction author, "sillybella". No copyright infringement or disrespect is intended._

_**Story Notes:**__ This short story is a New Moon AU that takes place over sixteen years after Bella's fateful 18th birthday. When Edward left, Bella was forced to go to Jacksonville to live with her mother. Years later she finds her way back to Forks but when Charlie dies far too young, Bella finds herself alone in a house full of memories._

_

* * *

_

**Chapter 4:**

"Victoria and Riley had Alice. They were seconds from tearing her apart when Leah got to the clearing. She went straight for Victoria without a thought for her own safety. Victoria let go of Alice in order to protect herself and the distraction was all that I needed. It was the end of Victoria and her companions, but she bit Leah in the chaos. Our venom is lethal to the werewolves; we tried but there was nothing anyone could do."

I sat staring at the same spot on the floor for several moments after Edward finished talking. The Quileute legends were actually true. Werewolves did exist. All of Jacob's friends, Jacob, Seth and even Leah, were among them. Leah had been killed because of me and my best friend and roommate, my own personal guard dog, had arranged for us to miss our flight in Atlanta so that my son and I weren't in Washington when it happened. A last minute phone call from Edward had ensured that.

"It's my fault... Leah died because Victoria was after me." I said the words out loud as though I were trying them on for size, unsure if they would fit.

"No. No, Bella. Leah died because a unstable vampire lost her mind during her quest for vengeance. It was my fault. From the very beginning, you never should have come in contact with her, with any of them. James. Victoria. It was my failure. Not that everybody involved didn't try to take their fair share of blame, but out of anyone you are the least culpable." Edward's words were meant to comfort, but for some strange reason all I felt was anger. And as guilty as I felt about Leah, my anger had nothing to do with her.

Jacob. I was angry at Jacob. I was in shock and hurt over the true loss that Leah's sudden death really was, but I was angry at the man with whom I had lived the better part of my adult life. Had he really shared his life with me because he cared for me... or had it been something else all together?

I stood up from the living floor and grabbed my dishes. I huffed into the kitchen. I was suddenly so inexplicably angry that I began storming about like a toddler.

"Okay, look I need to see Jacob. Right now. He has a few things to explain. For himself," I said in between stomps and huffs. It was all very immature if I was being honest, but I was furious enough to feel entitled to a display.

"Right now? Bella, what exactly would you have him explain?" Edward followed me into the kitchen.

"Oh let's see, like maybe what his real reason was for moving to Florida? Or maybe why he thought it was not important to notify me that I was allowing a shape shifting werewolf to adopt my only child! Was he just playing guard dog the whole time, or was he ever the friend that I believed him to be? I do realize that he stayed long after Victoria was gone, so it's not as though I think that he never cared about me or Masen. I know he did. But I'd still like to hear him tell me that a psychotic vampire wasn't the only reason that he wanted to live with me, or marry me, for goodness sake!

"And... I really think I would like to hear him explain why_ I_ didn't already know about this. _Me_, his supposed best friend!" I flicked on the hot water and began to wash my dishes. Edward came over and took the sponge and soap out of my shaking hands.

"Allow me," he said quietly.

"Fine. Thank you." I stomped away and then paced back and forth for a few seconds, "Ughh... I'm sorry, Edward. This isn't your fault and you must think I am acting like a child. I apologize for losing it. I just found out that an innocent person died because of a mark on my life, and I feel like I have to re-think or evaluate the last fifteen years of my life. There were obviously clues that I missed along the way. I'm feeling guilty, but also embarrassed for not seeing what was right under my nose all along." I leaned against the counter next to him, then turned around to hop up and sit next to the sink while he washed my dinner dishes. He was moving at a leisurely human pace, I supposed to give me time to calm down.

"That was pretty graceful, Bella." Edward smiled slightly, but did not look at me.

"Thank you." I kicked my feet against the cupboards softly. "You know, maybe Jake actually tried to tell me. Shortly after Leah's funeral that he bought me this book about Quileute legends, I forgot all about it until now. He probably needed to talk about what happened. About what really happened.

"I mean, it's not as if I am truly horrified at the idea of werewolves. If I can believe in you, is it really so hard to imagine? Jake told me all of the stories years ago, but at the time I didn't think he believed in any of them. Unfortunately, I feel like an even bigger idiot realizing the lengths to which he went to try to get me to guess. I suppose I was just a little too caught up in my own issues to consider any of his.

"I probably should be shocked by everything, but as it is, it oddly makes sense. Of course, I'm bound to have some interesting nightmares after tonight..." I shook my head and looked up at the ceiling gathering my thoughts. "But, that's not really why I got so upset."

I looked over at Edward. He had finished washing and drying, as well as putting away the dishes, and was standing in front of me. I widened the distance between my knees a little and reached out to him. He took my hands and I pulled his to me, placing his arms around my waist. I leaned into his chest before laying my head on his shoulder and wrapping my arms around his neck. "Is this okay?"

Edward took a deep breath and nodded. I sensed the slightest moment of hesitation and wondered if he was struggling with the thirst he once described to me. He used to say it caused him less pain the longer he was exposed to my scent, but so many years had passed. He must have been in some kind of discomfort from the moment he arrived. It made me worry that I would never be as much of a comfort to him as he was to me.

"What was it that upset you, Bella?" Edward spoke gently.

I sighed and sat up to look at him. "I hate feeling as though I was treated like a helpless child, Edward. I hate knowing that it was decided for me; that it was considered to be in my 'best interest' to keep this from me. Not just the wolf secret, but everything. We're talking about my life and consequently, the life of my child here.

"And... Jacob? Of all people, the idea of him going along with whatever plan was orchestrated and then keeping it from me? Even after the danger had passed? I never thought he was capable of being deceptive, it just makes me want to punch him in the nose! He lied to me by omission, but it was still a lie. He was supposed to be my best friend. We had an arrangement, at least I thought we did. We were always completely honest with each other. How could he keep something like from me, even after Leah died? Why couldn't he tell me the truth? I was the last one to know and _that_ really upsets me."

"I see," Edward reached up with one hand to wipe away the few small tears that had escaped. "So you are upset, not because Jacob and his friends are werewolves, but because he failed to tell you about it?"

"Yes."

"And you are upset, not because those werewolves were fighting alongside my family against a homicidal vampire who had gone completely insane, but because you were not aware that it was happening?"

"Yes."

"So, what do you hope to accomplish by storming off to La Push this late in the evening? Will it ease your distress to see Jacob? Are you actually planning on punching him in the, nose, was it?" He smirked at me and gave me a mischievous little grin. I couldn't help but offer a small smile.

"Yes." I tried to be convincing but I was a poor actress. "Maybe? Okay... No. I'm not going to hit him, but that's hardly the point. I am going to have to face him at some point." I shrugged, knowing that I did not have a clue as to what I would say to Jacob when I did see him again anyway.

"Would it help if I told you that Jacob Black was physically unable to tell you his secret? That it might have been quite painful, and possibly could have risked the integrity of their entire pack?" Edward brushed my cheek with the back of his hand and shivered from the gentleness of his touch. How could someone so strong and as hard as stone be so gentle and tender? If he was trying to distract me, he was doing a very good job.

"What do you mean?" I would try not to let myself get completely dazzled by Edward, for now.

"The Quileute wolves behave much in the same way that any naturally existing wolf pack would. They are bound by the hierarchy of the pack and the rules of the Alpha leader, even when they are in their human form. Sam Uley is their Alpha. Even though Jacob moved away from the pack to take care of you and watch over you, he has always been a member of the pack. He was bound by Sam's orders and one of those orders was that nobody outside of the pack was to know the secret.

"It is difficult to explain. Even when I experienced the dynamics of the pack through their thoughts, I failed to uncover all the intricacies. Jacob would have had to challenge Sam and win in order to overrule his edict, which was never something he wanted to do.

"Truthfully, I do not believe that Jacob Black ever desired to keep anything from you. In fact, I think just the opposite was true. In that respect, I certainly can't blame him." He swept a piece of hair away from my face and brushed my cheek with his thumb twice.

I must have looked confused because he explained what he meant.

"My beautiful Bella. You could not understand how truly liberating it was to me, knowing that I did not have to hide from you. It meant everything to me for you to accept the truth of what I was, of what I am. You knew me entirely and never once rejected a single thing about me or my world. Such a silly girl. So unafraid, so trusting, so loving." He leaned down and met my lips with soft caresses.

When he pulled away there were butterflies in my stomach and I knew there would be no need to see Jacob tonight. I was stunned by Edward's comments.

His words had moved something inside me. I had no idea that it meant so much to Edward that I so easily took to all things vampire; he had always chastised me for having no sense of self-preservation. Apparently the very thing that exasperated him also emancipated him. He felt freed from the burdens of his existence because of me.

He called me beautiful and praised my character. I wasn't entirely comfortable with his appraisal, nor quite sure that I deserved his esteem, but I still desired it. That and so much more. My desires were only fueled by the strength of Edward's conviction and the selflessness of his words.

My Edward had defended Jacob Black for some incredible reason. I might have assumed that would be the last thing he would want to do, after all Jake had been in love with me at one time. Jacob had asked me to marry him and been a father to my child. Despite the fact that I had turned down his proposals, Jake was the one to have a life with me while Edward played the role of a long-distance sentry.

Edward may have had the one piece of me that Jacob was never able to attain, but did he know that? Did he really know that I never would have moved on, that he would have had my heart forever? Could he still believe my love for him was any less enduring than his own? Did he believe that because I was human I was not capable of the same permanence in my emotions?

He was obviously a gentleman of quality who, because of his gifts, was capable of judging an individual's character more accurately than possibly anyone else on the planet. However, he was also quite obviously selfless, forgiving and magnanimous. I'd always suspected as much, but his words and actions demonstrated those qualities clearly. He could have let me stay mad at Jacob and taken advantage of that. He could have come back years ago and made his feelings known, but he didn't. It was quite likely, that he made that choice to protect my son or me from ever coming into contact with others of his kind again, and he did it at his own expense.

"Never again." I said the words out loud before I even realized it. Edward's eyes shot open and, not being privy to my internal musings, he looked at me with a confused expression. I smiled deftly, watching his eyes dilate and darken almost imperceptibly as he caught up with my shifting mood. I could tell he was still unsure what my words meant as he searched my eyes and face for the answer.

I moved slowly, having pushed both of us to our limits only hours ago. I lowered my head, touching my forehead to his and ran one hand from his shoulder, slowly up his neck and into his hairline, tangling my fingers there gently. He moaned lowly and closed his eyes, bringing a smile to my lips and making my heart skip a beat. I brought the other hand to his cheek, thumbing his bottom lip as he'd done to me many times before.

His lips were perfect; soft and smooth, and tinted the ripest shade of cerise imaginable. They were possibly the most human looking part of his face and were completely mesmerizing. For a moment I was lost just staring at those lips.

I swallowed loudly and let out my breath, overwhelming him with my scent and causing his body to stiffen in my arms. His face tightened for a brief moment and then relaxed somewhat.

"Incredible," I whispered, watching each subtle motion in the lines of his face with rapt attention. I moved my mouth nearer the place I desired to be. I closed my eyes and brushed my lips with Edward's, stopping there only to whisper my own words of praise to him.

"You are an incredible man, Edward Cullen. You've shown me the purest side of your nature in defending Jacob's interests. You didn't have to explain for him, but you did. You displayed immense grace and tolerance, more so than I think even I would be capable, were I in your position. I cannot tell you how grateful I am, for everything. Thank you.

"Thank you for coming back to me, for telling me the truth instead of keeping it from me or giving me a bunch of bull, and... for being patient with me while I process it all. I have no idea how everything is going to work out, but I know that it will. I don't know where we go from here, but I know we go together." I ran the hand I rested on his cheek around the back of his neck and continued.

"And as for Jacob? It wouldn't have mattered if I had known about his secret all along, Edward. He might have gained my acceptance, but you would have had my heart. Yesterday, today, always."

"Always," Edward repeated, as his hands tightened against the small of my back. He squeezed and flexed them into my shirt and the muscles beneath. The motion brought me forward and my body slid closer to Edward, until pulled me into his arms. Both of my hands found purchase in his hair, and my lips dove towards his mouth with breathless enthusiasm.

He met my kiss and I opened my mouth to him allowing him to take what he wished from me, hoping so much that it would be easier for him than it once was. I felt nothing but euphoria when he kissed me like this and lost all sense of logic, I only knew that I didn't want it to end. I had planned to be good, it was only fair to him that I mind my manners. It was just so hard now that he was here in my arms, his sculpted body pressing into mine, and his tongue flicking out ever so swiftly to taste my mouth.

For years all I could do was dream of Edward kissing me like this, of being held tightly against his body as I was now. Before our reunion, I had only ever imagined feeling this kind of craving and intense desire again. It was overpowering. I knew from experience how easily passion could sweep you away like the current of a raging river; carrying you faster and farther than you maybe wanted to go. I also knew that Edward getting swept away was potentially dangerous. I knew better than to push him too far or too hard.

This was one mark of my maturity, I suppose. Sixteen years ago I would have been reaching for Edward's shirt, pulling it over his head before pulling my own top off and throwing it across the room. Sixteen years ago, I might have attempted to follow his tongue back into his mouth and explore it, vampire teeth be damned. Yes, I would have most definitely wrapped my legs around his waist and locked them at the ankles, before using my hands in his hair to pull him back and open his mouth to me fully. Sixteen years ago he would have stopped me and I would have been left aching for more.

Instead, I was the one that broke away from our kiss, gasping for breath. I placed my palms on Edward's heaving chest and pushed back slightly from his delicious scent. His head slumped against my shoulder and his arms fell from my body to brace himself against the kitchen counter.

Could it be that my vampire was out of breath? In the midst of imagining all of the things that I wanted to do to Edward, but could not, I know that _I_ had forgotten to breathe. Maybe that was just a natural overflow of passion, regardless of whether or not oxygen was necessary. Or, maybe Edward was just as capable of getting carried away as I was. _Maybe.._.

"Wow." I heard Edward's small and winded voice float up from where he rested his head.

"Yeah," I answered echoing the words we used after our first kiss earlier in the afternoon. I giggled softly at the memory, but I was still out of breath and it came out with no sound behind it.

Edward heard me despite my lack of decibels and looked up at me, smiling his cockeyed smile. He shook his head and took a deep breath.

"What I am going to do with you?" he teased.

"Me? What did I do?" I feigned innocence, but felt my cheeks blush lightly.

"That's just it, Bella. You do not have to _do_ anything. Your mere presence still intoxicates me. I am afraid I am not thinking very clearly. I should be more careful with you."

"Well then, I cannot say that I am entirely clearheaded, but it's a very good thing that I can be sensible when the moment requires." I smiled, feeling a bit smug.

"That was sensible? I'd hate to see what reckless looks like!" His face was apprehensive.

"I pulled away from that one, my love." Using his term of endearment for me, I pouted a little and tried to squirm backward out of his grip just to drive the point home.

"You started that one, _my_ love." He sounded adorably possessive and wrapped his arms my waist firmly, holding me still.

"I didn't start anything that I wasn't willing to finish, Edward," I said honestly.

"Bella," His tone sounded to me like a warning.

"No. Just listen to me. I want you, I do. But I know there are limits. I let you lead and I pulled away. Not because I wanted to, but because I respect that this is difficult for you. I am aware that this is entirely unfair, you know? It isn't right that I should have all of the pleasure and none of the pain." I raised my fingers to his throat.

"Bella..." He took my hand and pressed it into the hollow of his throat, then slid our hands down to his chest where they rested over his still heart. "There is no pain greater than the pain of living without you. Thirst pales in comparison to the agony of that emptiness. If it's possible, the heartache of being without you eclipsed the physical discomfort caused by the draw of human blood. Your blood still calls to me, but the physical pain is almost non-existent."

"But, the shower... I thought..." I was struggling for a coherent thought in the wake of this new information.

"You thought what? I'm not a masochist, love. Contrary to popular belief, I do not seek out ways to cause myself pain." He touched his forehead to mine. "Bella, I told you then that I was in control. I may have meant that I was in control of my thirst, but I was also talking about _other_ things that I thirst for. I desire you more than you could possibly know, my love. I thought that would be abundantly clear by now. I only fear that you are putting your very life at risk every time I take you in my arms."

He raised his hands and ghosted his fingers down the sides of my neck, across my shoulders and down my arms. "My delicate flower, so very fragile," he whispered into my ear. I shuddered and my eyes lost focus.

He took my chin and raised my eyes to his. "You are my life, Bella. I couldn't live with myself if I accidentally crushed your delicate body in a moment of passion." He shook his head, his face was contorted with pain. "You are so much more important to me than my own pleasure."

"Edward," I moaned. "I don't know what to say. I..."

"Say that you'll never doubt how much I want you, Bella. Say you'll never doubt the hold you have on me. You've given me more pleasure than I deserve. I'm yours, forever."

"Promise?" I was breathless. It took effort to force that little question out in an audible voice.

"I do." He swept me off of the kitchen counter and into his strong arms. I barely had time to register the motion before our lips were united in their own passionate conversation.

* * *

**End Note:**

You know, even if I'm pulling this sometime in the future, your reviews would help me know if it's worth re-working. *hint hint* ;-)


	5. Chapter 5

_**Disclaimer:**__ All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot of Twilight are the property of Stephenie Meyer. The original characters and plot of The Past Comes Back to Bite You are the property of fanfiction author, "sillybella". No copyright infringement or disrespect is intended._

_**Story Notes:**__ This short story is a New Moon AU that takes place over sixteen years after Bella's fateful 18th birthday. When Edward left, Bella was forced to go to Jacksonville to live with her mother. Years later she finds her way back to Forks but when Charlie dies far too young, Bella finds herself alone in a house full of memories._

_

* * *

_**  
**

**Chapter 5:**

No matter how much I wanted to take up residence in Edward's arms and be lavished with hungry kisses until the end of time, eventually I needed a human moment. I wasn't quite sure how we ended up in front of the bathroom door when he put me down, but I gratefully slipped inside and closed the door.

I had a hard time holding in my laughter when I saw my reflection in the mirror. My hair was tangled and wavy pieces stood out in every direction. My cheeks were rosy and my lips were red and slightly swollen. I couldn't stop smiling as I replayed Edward's passionate kisses and embraces in my mind. I had to stifle giggles even as I brushed my teeth and hair.

Several minutes later I emerged to the exquisite sight of Edward in my father's flannel pants and old t-shirt, lying on my queen size bed. He was leaning back against my pillows with his hands behind his head and his ankles crossed. There was a water bottle along with an apple on the nightstand, and Edward was smiling his best crooked smile. It was not only thoughtful of him, but it occurred to me that if he brought a snack for me, he must have been planning on the two of us staying in my bedroom for awhile. I wanted to squeal and jump up and down like a silly school girl. I managed not to only by biting my lower lip fairly hard and taking a very deep breath.

The molten colors of Edward's eyes flashed when I smiled and I realized that I was blushing. The mood only grew more heated as he stared at my mouth while I held my lip between my teeth. I took a shaky step towards the bed and released my lip.

"You know, my love, I have never seen you wear anything pink before." Edward pulled gently at the material of my black and pink pajama pants. I was thankful for his obvious effort to break the charged silence between us. I climbed onto the bed and sat down facing him.

"Masen." I said the word like it was an answer in and of itself. "My son likes me in pink. When he was a little boy he used to insist that if something came in pink it was for girls, and Mommy had to have a pink what-ever-it-was. We had a pink flashlight in the hurricane kit, just for me. We had pink and blue cereal bowls and he would get upset when I used the wrong color. His grandparents even let him have pink house keys made for me at Home Depot. It was ridiculous but sweet. Of course he grew out of that phase eventually, but he still likes to buy me pink when he can get away with it. These were a Christmas gift this year, and I have a few things he has picked out for me that have various degrees of pink in them."

Edward smiled but it didn't match his eyes, I wondered what I had said but had a feeling that I knew what was on his mind.

"What's wrong, Edward?" I reached out to him, tugging on his t-shirt playfully.

He looked into my eyes with a bittersweet expression. He took a breath which softened his face and warmed his eyes, but there was still something off. "It's nothing, love. We can talk about it another time. You should get some rest tonight. You had a long day, yes?"

"Edward? I couldn't even think of sleeping when I know there is something troubling you. If you need to ask me something, please ask. I hate the look I just saw in your eyes. Please tell me what's wrong."

"Nothing is wrong. I am just curious about your life and I only regret that I have to ask you. I would have wanted to know about it because I was there..." He trailed off, sounding lost and sad.

"You want to ask me something, but it makes you sad?" I squeezed his hand.

He nodded once and looked at me with a more contented expression. "Not sad, just conflicted."

"Masen? Is that it?"

I didn't wait for an answer; the look on his face told me all I needed to know.

"Did you know that my son was born on your birthday?" I whispered. "That was why..." My voice cracked as I choked on a sob of emotion. I took a big breath, and tried to finish without falling apart. "It was why I chose to name him Masen. I was planning to give him up for adoption, but I couldn't do it, not after I saw him. He had Charlie's eyes. My eyes, I guess, and brown hair with these little bronze wisps. He was perfect.

"I hadn't thought of any names at the time, but at that moment and on that day, yours was the most precious name I could think of. I thought that perhaps Edward or Anthony might have been a little inappropriate, but I didn't think that anyone would know your human surname."

Edward stayed stone still. I looked down into his face which was a mask of calm.

"Edward? Is that okay? That I did that? Without asking you?" He nodded his head once, his face staying unreadable.

He wouldn't look at me and I was starting to feel panic stricken; maybe this was going to be a very big issue between us. I knew that, I felt as though I had betrayed Edward by being intimate with Masen's father. A part of me would always feel that way because I had not ever stopped loving Edward, even when I found myself in the arms of another man. I was scared to think how of deeply that may have hurt Edward, scared that he would be disappointed in me. On the other hand, my son was the thing in my life of which I was most proud.

After several long moments of silence, I sat back and pulled my knees under my chin, wrapping my arms around them. I stayed like that, feeling defeated and miserable, not knowing what he was thinking. Was he angry, hurt, disgusted? All of those would be appropriate responses, except that I wasn't getting any response at all from him. All I had to work with was a living statue reclined on my bed that looked a little like Edward.

"Edward, I know you had once said that I should have a full human life. I thought you wished for me to have it all. College, houses, babies, minivans, all of that. But, it all seemed so impossible for me to ever have any of that, so I thought maybe... Maybe I could grant you even, one, small, part of your wish for me. It seemed fitting at the time. I wouldn't have ever had Masen at all, if..."

I felt my heart thundering away in my chest and heat flooded my face. "Edward. Please say something." Even my whisper was shaky and tears pooled in my eyes, as if I hadn't cried enough tonight.

The last four hours had been filled with conversations about mythological monsters and supernatural wars; newborn vampire armies versus adolescent werewolves. I felt like an insignificant pawn caught in the midst of a world that I was never meant to know existed. I felt as though the last four hours had been filled with words that were inadequate to cover a sixteen year estrangement.

How do you cross a divide of that size? How do you bridge the gap and come across unscathed? How do you move forward when you are tangibly tied to the errors of the past? How do you start over with a new set of challenges hanging over us? Were the issues that had pulled us apart once before, going to come around again to haunt us? The questions came so easily, the answers were more elusive.

After sixteen years, Edward and I needed something far more healing than spoken words or, sadly, even passionate kisses. I wasn't sure what that would turn out to be, but I clung desperately to the hope that we could find it together.

Edward shifted and ran his hands through his hair. He turned and faced me, displaying such intensity in his eyes that, for a split-second, I was frightened.

"Bella, I need you to tell me the truth. Please do not spare my feelings. Please try not to hide your thoughts from me. I need to know." He closed his eyes. "What happened with your son's biological father? How did you end up alone?" His tone grew harsh, almost angry.

I knew it was coming of course, but his question still caused my heart to fly out of control and I was hit with a sudden case of cotton mouth, my tongue practically stuck to the roof of my mouth and my throat failed to open for me. He must have noticed my response because in an instant his tone and body softened into a more comforting posture.

"Did he hurt you or take advantage?" He swallowed hard. "Please, Bella? Tell me the truth if you can, I would like to know."

"Oh, Edward. It wasn't anything like what you must be thinking." I was certain from the look on his face he was imagining something awful. Nothing horrible had happened to me, but I knew that in all likelihood Edward was going to be more disappointed in me than I could possibly imagine. I really wasn't looking forward to seeing it on his face, yet I knew I had to be honest with him.

I paused and cleared my throat. I was nervous, mostly because I'd never told anyone the whole story before. With Edward I wanted no secrets. After everything that I had learned today and all that had been kept from me, I would rather face the consequences of the brutal truth than lie or hide from someone I claimed to love.

"I assume you mean, was I coerced or manipulated into a physical relationship when you ask if he took advantage? But, no that was not the case. Christopher was a very nice man. He never at any time attempted to force me, coerce me, or even pressure me. He just got too close to me, he thought he could help me, and he very much wanted to be there for me. He was charming and kind, and he never once accused me of being delusional. He listened to me and became my only confidant when I was at my darkest. He was a safe place for me and a little bit of sunshine in a rather dreary existence."

"Jacob thought you met him while you were in therapy, after the hospital stay. He seemed to believe that the man had manipulated you, to say it nicely." His brow was furrowed and I wanted to smooth it out for him. I touched one finger to the crease above his nose.

"Yes. Well, that is what I allowed everyone to think. The truth is, I've never told anyone the whole story. I kept most of it to myself. I actually met him while I was still in the hospital. He was working on his doctorate in clinical psychology and was on a supervised rotation at the time. We were never alone together, it wasn't anything like that. One day there was some kind of emergency with one of the patients and the doctor who was supervising our session together had to leave. I was supposed to go back to my room, and Christopher walked me there. I still don't understand why, but for some reason I felt comfortable walking with him. There was something vaguely familiar about him and when we reached my room, he said he would see me in a few days and we would talk again. Before he left I stopped him and asked him a question.

"I asked him why it was that the doctors asked me so many questions. They wanted to know why I was there, so I think I told them something about my mother claiming that I had delusions. They asked me why I couldn't sleep and I told them about having nightmares. They asked me why I had nightmares and I told them about being afraid. On, and on, and on. So I asked Christopher why they bothered asking the patients all the questions. Honestly, if the patients knew all of the 'why's', they wouldn't be in there to begin with, would they?

"I was sincere in my query and got a little bit irritated when he started laughing. I mean, the psychologist actually laughed at me!" I shook my head at the memory. "When he stopped laughing, he looked me in the eyes and told me how 'completely absurd' I was." I looked into Edward's eyes.

"Edward? You used to tell me that I was absurd. You are the only person I could ever remember using the word 'absurd'. So when Christopher said that to me, I just froze. I stared at him and that was when I realized that he, well, he honestly looked a little like you. I mean not really, not like a vampire, but there was something about his face and hair that reminded me of you. Understandably that upset me, and I completely freaked out and started sobbing. Like huge, hysterical sobs.

"I would have thought that he was going to tell the doctors I needed drugs or something, but he didn't. He didn't restrain me or strap me to a gurney. He didn't even try to comfort me or tell me that everything was going to be okay. The man just pulled up a chair and waited. I don't know how long he sat there while I stared at him and cried." I wiped away the single tear that threatened to escape and looked at my poor Edward, who was in obvious agony listening to my confession.

"I am so sorry, Bella. I should have been there." He spoke brokenly and put his head down. I reached over to run my fingers through it.

"It's okay. I know this is hard to hear. I'd rather never tell you how hard it was for me, but I know you need to hear this. Please believe me when I tell you that I haven't thought about any of this in a very long time. I never needed to. It really is okay,"

I tried to comfort him for a moment, then took a breath and continued my story.

"That moment was a breakthrough, I suppose. He gained my trust by staying there and allowing me to be so wounded and vulnerable without trying to fix me. I finally stopped crying on my own. He got me something to eat and drink and waited some more. And then, I told him... Everything.

"I sat on my bed, and he sat in his chair with the door wide open while I just talked. I told him everything about you, with one small omission." I smiled shyly.

"To his credit, the man did not ask a single question or take a single note, he just listened. Our sessions went smoothly after that, I think the psychiatrist was shocked at my progress. Apparently, Christopher never told anyone about my breakdown. Within a week or two, I was ready to go home. I asked the psychiatrist if Christopher could be my outpatient mental health provider and he couldn't be, but they made arrangements for me to see him under the supervision of a licensed psychologist. I saw him once a week for about six months.

"Eventually, he had to focus on finishing his doctorate and getting other clinical experience. Post traumatic stress wasn't his specialty, but we had rapport so he made time for me. Unfortunately, for both of us, his reasons for making that time became a little muddled. When it came time for us to part ways, we both crossed the line by starting a friendship.

"I had already lost so many friends, so I talked him into staying in touch. I would say that it was at my insistence, but he did acquiesce with little protest. He gave me his email address. Before long he was helping me with homework and sending me 'crazy' jokes that he knew would make me laugh. We corresponded like that for over a year. It was innocent at first, just friendly, but it was not a professional relationship any longer. It was personal.

"By my twentieth birthday I was 100% better than I had been a year earlier. I was only seeing a therapist on occasion or if something set me off, but that happened very rarely. I took my medication like a good girl, but only when I would have the occasional nightmare. So when I started my first semester of real college classes, Renee felt like we should celebrate. She wanted to have a dinner party at the house for my birthday. She invited some friends over and even invited my dad down. I guess she counted Christopher among my friends, because she invited him too.

"The whole thing was embarrassing and Renee didn't know that I had been weaned off of my anti-anxiety meds just the previous week. Inevitably, I was uncomfortable with all of the attention and the extra people in our house. Christopher understood what was happening and asked me if I wanted to go for a walk. We ended up spending all night on the beach talking, and then watched the sun come up together.

"That was the beginning of the end. I realized he had feelings for me that I couldn't return and Renee was furious, she even threatened to report him." I yawned and rubbed my eyes. I lay down, wrapping the comforter around my shoulders.

"We knew it was not a good idea for us to have a relationship. It could have ended his career and seriously messed up my recovery. He didn't want to hurt me so he tried to extricate himself from our friendship, and I understood. I really did. Not to mention, I didn't want to be that codependent girl who couldn't stand on her own two feet without being miserable, or had to have a man to be happy. I wanted to be on my own at the time. After all, I already knew that there was only soul on this whole earth that I wanted to share my heart with... And, it wasn't Christopher Arlington."

Edward's eyes seemed to gain their sparkle back a little at that sentiment. He rolled over and turned out the light then got up to turn down the the sheets and blankets. I climbed under and he tucked them around me the way he always had when we shared my tiny bed in the next room. I smiled a little at the memory, feeling exhausted but relieved that this wasn't going as badly as I thought it would. Edward wasn't responding with disapproval or disdain yet.

"You don't have to tell me any more. I think I understand. We can talk again tomorrow, or the next day, or the next. Sleep, love." He looked into my eyes with compassion and love; but even in the darkness of the room, I could detect the smallest hint of pain.

I reached out with my fingers and traced his bottom lip.

"There isn't much more to it. Christopher was finished with his doctorate, but had another year of clinical work to do, so he decided to finish it in Boston where he'd grown up. He came to say goodbye one evening. He brought me a book that he I wanted and my first copy of the American Journal of Psychology, which included an article he had been part of. It was sweet and without really thinking about it, I kissed him on the cheek."

I searched Edward's face for an indication that I was telling him too much.

"He kissed me back and it just, sort of went from there." I felt the tears welling in my eyes. I was so horrified and ashamed. I wanted to die from the feeling that I'd betrayed Edward all over again, especially because I now knew the truth of everything that had kept him from me.

I loved my son; I wouldn't change anything about him. Yet, there was nothing I wouldn't give to have that night back and give it to Edward. I never meant to lose my virginity in the heat of the moment. That event, I had wanted to share with the man whose ocher eyes were boring into mine at that very moment. No matter how weak and human my behavior proved me to be, my heart was solid and unchanging in it's devotion to Edward. I had wanted one man and one man only, from the first day that I met him. I wanted him still; I wanted him to have been the first, I wanted him now to be the last.

"Tell me what you're thinking, please." Edward urged.

The words came out rushed and breathless, completely unfiltered. "I wanted it to be you." I closed my eyes and allowed the tears to slip down my cheeks.

I didn't have to open my eyes to know he was immediately nose to nose with me, his body hovering over mine, his hands cupping my face and thumbs wiping my tears away. "Me too." His cool lips brushed mine as his words came out, low and heavy. "Me too. Me too. Me. Too." Each time he spoke his words were followed with his lips. He was holding me hard enough for it to hurt, and yet because I could breathe, I let him hold me tighter. I pushed my body as close to him as possible through the bedclothes and hoped that he would never let go.

"Please, forgive me." I whispered into his ear. "I didn't know. I didn't think that I could ever do something like that."

He relaxed his hold on me and I momentarily panicked that he would remove himself from my arms. I held his shirt in a vise grip and yelped, "Please, don't. Please."

"Shh. Bella, I'm not going anywhere. My love, I forgive you. I never blamed you to begin with." He hesitated, but pulled back slowly so that he was able to look at me. "I pushed you away and left you, Bella. At the time, I wanted you to move on and have the life that I couldn't give you. I was foolish to think that it would be different for you than it was for me. Although I died a little at the thought you being with anybody else, I had no right to claim you or judge you. In my heart, forgiveness is entirely unnecessary because there is no blame."

"I need to tell you one more thing. Just please, hold me. Don't pull away. Not yet, please." I pulled him to me and kissed his neck in between 'pleases'.

"What is it, love?" He adjusted his arms and rolled us a little to the side so that I was securely in his arms but more comfortable. He held me close like I had asked him to.

"I'm so sorry, Edward. I can only imagine that you don't want to hear this, but if you are really going to forgive me and accept what I did, then you need to know the whole story. That first time? It wasn't the last time that Christopher and I were together. He felt like a monster to just leave town after we'd been... intimate. He didn't want to be that guy. Lord knows, I didn't want to be that girl. So we tried to just have dinner, to call it even or make amends. I don't know how we thought that would help things and it turned out not to be a very good idea. Renee and Phil were out of town and I ended up spending the night at his apartment. He took me home in the morning, and we had breakfast together in my mother's kitchen. That was the last time I ever saw him."

"You didn't tell him about the baby?" Edward sat up a little to look at me, and I struggled to make his expression out in the dark.

"Not at first. I didn't want him to know; I was afraid he might try to be noble about it and I couldn't imagine saying no to him. Christopher was very charming and he could be convincing when he wanted to be. He seemed to care for me a great deal, and I was scared. I respected him and trusted him completely, that was how the whole mess got started, but I didn't love him. I knew I couldn't give him what he would need for a real relationship. I didn't even think I could give a child what they needed. I always intended to give the baby up for adoption from the very beginning."

"He didn't leave you by choice, then? He really didn't know?" I could see the hurt in Edward's eyes now that my limited vision had adjusted to the darkness. My heart ached from putting him through this.

"I didn't want to rob him the way that Charlie had been robbed of a life with me, but it was complicated. When my mom found out that I was pregnant, she knew immediately that the baby was his. She threatened to report him to the state's ethics board and even called the police. I was an adult, but she insinuated that our relationship must have begun when I was his patient and I was just eighteen at the time and of questionable mental stability. She was sure she could get him arrested for something, and my dad was right there with her."

"So, you ended up trying to protect the man who left you with child and skipped town? How very typical of you, my dear." He kissed my nose and I surprised to hear some humor in his words.

"I suppose it was. I emailed Christopher and asked him to call me at a time when I knew Renee would be away at one of Phil's ballgames. I was already four and a half months along and he did not take the news very well. He was horrified and angry with me for keeping it from him. It wasn't until I told him Renee and Charlie had threatened his career and I had done everything I could to stop them, including already hiring a lawyer to absolve him of any responsibility, that he really understood why.

"When I explained that I wanted to go the adoption route, he was supportive. Although, he was the first one to tell me what an amazing mother he thought I would make. I told him it wasn't an option and he agreed to sign anything I needed him too. It wasn't until Jake adopted Masen over two years later that Christopher even learned that I had kept the baby. He had parental rights even though I had not named him on the birth certificate and I had to ask him to release them."

"And he did." It wasn't a question, the outcome was well known to Edward.

"Yes. He was pretty angry and very hurt, but he wanted us to be happy."

"He sounds like a good man." Edward smoothed my hair away from my face

"Yeah, he was," I answered.

"Do you have... regrets? He might have made a good husband and father."

"No. Not for me. Maybe he would have been good for Masen, maybe I should have given both of them that chance, but he was never for me."

"And Jacob?" he asked.

"No. Not for me." I reached into the darkness and found the nape of Edward's neck. I raked my fingers up to his hair and pulled him down towards me.

He was hesitant, looking at me with questioning eyes.

"Only you." I moistened my lips and lifted my head until I met his mouth. I pressed against his firm, unrelenting lips and massaged them with mine . I felt Edward exhale and move slowly against me, his mouth giving in to my demands but not taking anything in return.

I let out a soft moan; a sound meant to both plead with him for reassurance, and demonstrate to him my heart's desires. While my mouth was still open, I grazed my tongue along Edward's bottom lip with unhurried determination. He lowered his head and moaned in answer to my wordless plea.

My head relaxed into the pillow beneath me and I felt Edward moving his hands to my favorite places, my hair and the small of my back. In a manner that was slow enough to be deemed torture, he cautiously opened his mouth to me. I placed soft, moist kisses onto his open lips but moved no further. It was exquisite torture to resist exploring the sweetness of his mouth.

At long last his tongue made a cursory sweep of my bottom lip and then the top. I relaxed into his arms, feeling as though the weight of the world lifted with each tender kiss. Carefully and cautiously, on both of our parts, our tongues found a rhythm inside my mouth. Back and forth, give and take, call and answer; it was one dance at which I could possibly excel.

I found myself smiling against Edward's mouth and soon his smile followed. We exchanged smaller, more virtuous kisses until my breathing returned to normal. I sighed contentedly and Edward caressed my face with the tip of his nose, from my jaw up to my temple, where he placed a tender kiss. He settled over onto his side, tucking me securely against him with my blankets still between us. Within seconds, I felt the warmth of contentment in Edward's embrace lulling me to sleep.

As I drifted between states of consciousness, I heard his loving velvet voice whisper in my ear, "Only you."

* * *

**End Notes:**

_Since March 28__th__ 2010, this story has been on hiatus. As of January 31__st__ 2011, this story is being permanently put on hold and will be pulled at some point in the future. Please read the updated author's note in the next chapter for reasons why. Thank you for all of your support! _


	6. Epilogue & Important Author's Note

_What is this? An update after almost a year? Well... all I can say is, it's well past time. Just don't get too excited- I have an announcement._

_This chapter is a consolation prize. It's not the continuation of the story as I had pictured it, but a year in the fandom has made me a bit wiser and has re-shaped my priorities a bit. Therefore you are receiving the original (un-beta'd) epilogue to "Need You Now" and this will be the end of the road for this story. Below is a copy of a note I've placed back at the beginning of chapter one for new readers. However for the eleven of you who had this on alert, this is also a special thank you for all of your support and I hope you enjoy this last few moments with these characters. _

_

* * *

_**Epic Author's Note (please read): **

Dear Readers,

This was my first published attempt at fanfiction. I'd become hopelessly addicted to New Moon AU's in late 2009 and my favorite at the time, a little unfinished fic called _"The Past Comes Back to Bite You" by sillybella_, had me practically salivating for a conclusion. A little research gave me every reason to believe that _TPCB2BY_ would never be completed (a fact I still believe to be true more than a year later) and that fact drove me batty enough to try and write my own ending.

Soon after I began writing my "fanfic or a fanfic", I realized that it wouldn't be right for me to share or post my version of the end of _TPCB2BY_ without _sillybella_'s permission. So I tried to get that permission. After failing in my attempts to contact her, I eventually decided to take the basic idea and re-work it independent of _TPCB2BY_. Unfortunately, I don't think I quite succeeded in that endeavor and the result was this bit of drabble. Need You Now is, unfortunately, a forced attempted to salvage some of my writing –writing that I am very proud of, but do not have permission to share. Additionally, "Need You Now" still leans heavily on _sillybella_'s story ideas and I'm ashamed that it has been posted for so long without me acknowledging that fact.

For those reasons, **I plan to pull this story at some point in the near future**. When I do so, one of two things will happen: One, I will either get permission and post my conclusion to The Past Comes Back to Bite You and that story will replace this. A second possibility is that I will re-work this story completely and remove the elements that should, and do, belong to another fanfiction author.

I realize this may be upsetting to the few readers who had this on alert, but I promise not to pull is until I have a plan in place to reinvent or re-work it. However, I won't exhaust myself trying to fix something that is better left alone. Thank you to all of you who reviewed, favorite'd, and supported me when I first joined the fanfiction community! You guys and gals are the reason I kept writing.

Always, Ginnie

* * *

_**Disclaimer:**__ All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot of Twilight are the property of Stephenie Meyer. The original characters and plot of The Past Comes Back to Bite You are the property of fanfiction author, "sillybella". No copyright infringement or disrespect is intended._

* * *

**Epilogue:**

"Stop that, it tickles," I giggled.

"Hmm..." I heard Edward lean towards me and felt his nose skim down my bare side in place of his cold fingers, from my hips to just below my arm and back down again. He inhaled deeply and placed a chaste kiss there on my hip. "Better?" He asked.

"Mm-hmm," I sighed. My eyes were closed but I could tell he was smiling, a sharp contrast to the face he had when I woke up this morning. We were lying on our sides, heads on opposite sides of the bed. I had one arm stretched out above me, while the other lazily cradled my head. It was easier being next to perfection with my eyes closed, though I was missing my view of Edward.

The sun had just dipped below the horizon, and the sea and sky were still ablaze with the boldest colors of a perfect twilight in the tropics. Though this time of day had once made Edward sad, I hoped he had found more to enjoy in it in recent years. I slowly opened my eyes and looked towards my feet, searching for the beauty of his perfect smile. Instead, I was met with the return of his scowl.

He was staring hard at my hips again and the one or two tiny bruises he'd left there last night.

I rolled my eyes. "Stop it."

"Stop what?"

"Stop _THAT._ Right there. You're doing it again. Stop it." I reached for his face, cupping his cheek and he kissed my palm before laying back onto the mattress he had carried outside to place on the beach for us. It was a little gossamer tented paradise for us to watch the sunset from. The evening was perfect as we lay under the steadily darkening sky, surrounded by the sounds of the surf and covered only by a soft cotton sheet that barely separated our bodies. I wasn't about to let him ruin this for either of us.

"Edward..." I warned, sitting up ever so slightly. "I'm fine, they don't hurt. Please? You've lived with me for almost five years now. We both know the kitchen table can do more damage to me than that."

Unexpectedly, he rolled back to his side and smiled at me. Not just any smile either, it was one of his famous crooked smiles that made me catch my breath. My heart fluttered and my cheeks flushed as he chuckled quietly and sat up to look me over.

"You know, I think you're right. The kitchen table has inflicted more than its fair share of damage to your glorious body. It may have to be punished for that. " He leaned over and began peppering my hips and ribs with kisses. One for each tiny bruise. "Still, I need to keep my fingers to myself."

It took a moment for me to get my lungs to cooperate so that I could speak. "You had better not keep those fingers to yourself, or I'll have to do the same." I threatened. "And I might just decide to keep my lips to myself, too." I upped the ante, knowing that he would call my bluff.

"Oh, I don't think so." He laughed and before my eyes could detect any movement, he flipped himself around so that he was now nose to nose with me. He nudged my nose with his once, then twice. The second time he opened his mouth and his bottom lip grazed the tip of my nose while his breath washed over me. "I think that I can manage to make love to you without gouging my fingers into your body, Mrs. Cullen. You can still have the rest of me."

He teased my lips with his for a moment letting me catch my already stuttering breath and then kissed me tenderly and reverently. As we kissed, my eyes filled with tears. Tears that were the overflow of my heart and the sheer ache I felt in my chest at the amount of love I felt from him.

He gently kissed them away and looked at me with concern. "What is it, Bella?"

I swallowed and left out a shaky breath and smiled.

"I will never get used to that, to this." I lifted my left hand and indicated the hefty ring that would permanently reside on there. "You will always be a miracle to me. I'm so happy, I can't help but..." My tears fell freely again. I bit my lip and tried in vain to keep from outright crying.

"Me too." He whispered and leaned his forehead to mine. He pulled me fully beneath him, his arms wrapped around and beneath my back while our legs lay tangled together.

We stayed swaddled together like that for a long time until the moonlight was our only source of illumination. I found Edward's eyes in the dark and wondered the same thing he asked me so many times a day.

"What are you thinking about?" I asked eagerly.

"You," he answered.

"Hmm. Well, what were you thinking about when you were staring at my hips earlier?" I lifted my chin and kissed him softly.

"Honestly?" He asked, kissing me back.

"Yes, honestly."

"I was wrestling with God." He stated so simply, like it was the most normal thing.

"Explain?" I asked and ran my fingers through his tousled hair.

"Well, I was wrestling with him, afraid that I will have to admit that he does exist. He has to, it would be impossible for him not to exist. And, if in fact God does exist, then I'd have to revere him and thank him. I was struggling to fully accept that, and then to ask His forgiveness for ever denying He existed in the first place."

I looked at Edward in disbelief and some strong sense of hope surged through my body, a feeling like none I'd known before. I smiled and stared at him for a moment longer. I had to know, "Why?"

"Because He created you," Edward answered, nuzzling down into my hair and whispering his words into my ear, like a prayer. "Because I am beginning to believe that you were made for me."

"I've always believed that."

He sighed. "I don't know if it's possible for even God to have the kind of compassion and mercy it would take to create one such as you, for one such as me. But something this miraculous cannot be an accident or even left up to fate. This was designed. This is a miracle." His voice cracked with emotion and his unnecessary breaths grew fast and unsteady alongside my own. He trembled against me and looked as though he could cry if it were possible. Pressing in closer to me, he tightened his grip until I had to gasp for air. I looked up into his eyes to find a fire I knew well.

It was need. It was love. It was worship.

He moved his mouth over mine and hesitated for a moment, gauging his own strength and control before letting his need for me and my need for him collide together in the one of the oldest acts of worship under creation.

Several hours, and several acts of worship later, I shivered when the cooler nighttime air combined with the sea breeze and the sheen of sweat that covered my body. Edward kindly found our sheets and blankets and shook them free of sand and salt before returning with them to wrap me in an Egyptian cotton cocoon. I sighed and snuggled into his side. He wrapped his arms around me and let out a little contented sigh of his own.

"How did I get so lucky?" he asked, his fingers twirling a strand of my hair.

"I was thinking the same thing," I giggled softly.

"No, really Bella. How after everything, after so many years, after all that was done? How could you give me your heart back and then your hand?" he asked, kissing my wedding ring.

"Because they've always been yours. A thousand universes could collide, but I believe with my whole heart that I've always been, and always will be, yours."

"Are you ready for this, my love? Are you really sure this is what you want?" he asked, suddenly seeming so afraid.

"Am I. On both accounts. Masen will be on tour surfing all year and then he'll be finishing college. He thinks we're off to live in Beijing for your job, so he won't expect to see us often. We'll do Skype and let Alice work her magic with my make-up and hair so he will just think I'm getting older."

"You may be able to see him in a few years. We can hope for that."

"Yes, we can. But he can't know the truth. That's the one thing that we've all agreed on. He has to stay safe."

"We'll never be able to go back to Forks again either," Edward reminded me.

"I know, but it doesn't matter. With my father gone and my son a world traveler now, there's nothing left for me there. My home is with you."

"You love me more than I deserve. More than any one person deserves."

"You deserve to be happy. And so do I. We've had enough troubles to last us several lifetimes. I want to spend the next few of them just loving you."

Edward hummed and kissed me thoroughly.

"What was that for?" I asked when he pulled away.

He held me closely, his face grim. "Masen. Bella, someday he'll grow old and die. I don't know if I can bear to see you go through that. I'm afraid you'll resent me for allowing you to give up so much for me."

"You're not allowing me to do anything. This is my choice. And when my son's life is over someday... it will be as it should be. It will hurt like hell and I'll miss him forever, but I finally understand."

"What do you understand?"

"What it is to love someone that much. How it was you were able to let me go. I know now that it doesn't mean you loved me any less. I don't love my son any less just because I don't want to take him into this life with me. In fact, I love him too much to do that to him. So I get it. I understand."

Edward and I stared at each other until I could see that he knew I was speaking the truth. I smiled as much as could and opened up to him in a way I hadn't done yet. I'd avoided talking to much about it because Masen was the only reason Edward had left not to change me. And it was time that he knew how I was dealing with the issue of my son.

"Letting Masen go is the most loving thing I can do for him, just as you once felt letting me go was the best way to love me. And I've come to a place where I feel peace in that. It will hurt when the time comes, but I will take comfort in the things that I can. Like the fact that I will never grow sick or become dependent on him. I'll be able to look out for him and be there when he needs me, financially or otherwise. I'll be able to watch from afar when he starts his own life, a family, a home, a career on dry land."

Edward chuckled at my joke.

"Well, he can't surf forever."

"Very true. Go on. What else?" Edward asked, a smile like the sun on his perfect face.

"I'll be able to take care of him when he grows old and frail. I'll be able to watch my grandchildren grow, and if we're lucky, their grandchildren. I'll always have him in my heart and remember the day he was born and the day I decided to keep him. I'll remember him fishing with Charlie, and playing football with Jake, and I'll most especially remember the day that he met you and the way he sat across the kitchen table from you and asked if you were his biological father. I'll remember how he didn't believe that you weren't, but he told you to take care of me anyway. And how he told you that he knew you'd come back for me someday. I don't even know where that came from, but I'll never forget it. And it will be enough. Enough for ten thousand lifetimes."

"I love you Isabella Marie Swan. Enough for ten thousand lifetimes. I'll help you remember. I swear to you."

"I love you too. And it's Cullen," I said through a teary smile. Edward quirked his brow. "You said Isabella Marie Swan. It's Cullen now."

"No hyphen?" he teased, remembering no doubt an earlier discussion on the subject.

"No hyphen. In my heart I've been a Cullen since the day you brought me home. I love your family, I love you. No hyphen."

"That suites me just fine, Mrs. Cullen," he smiled.

"Besides, I figure in fifty years when we all need new identities, you can just be Mr. Swan and take my name for a change," I teased.

He made a face. "I think my upbringing will make that a difficult concept to adjust to. Maybe in another hundred years or so I'll be willing to consider it."

I smiled. "How 'bout I give you two hundred years to get used to the idea?"

"I'll take it," he purred, kissing the spot behind my ear and then rolling until he was above me. "When would you like this two hundred years to start?" He kissed my neck and I felt his tongue poke out along my jugular for the briefest moment. I swallowed heavily.

"Well..." I started, my breaths coming faster as he repeated the same action on the other side. "You said I'll want to do for a while is slaughter the whole town, right?"

"Mm-hmm," Edward hummed in my ear, pulling the sheet that was between us away so he could climb under the covers with me.

"So maybe in a few weeks? Before my fortieth birthday, of course. I'm already enough of a pedo... oooohhh, Edward," I gasped as he slid a hand down my body and moved one of my legs to the side to make room for his body between my hips.

"Well," he said in between kisses as he settled himself against me. "I'm technically one-hundred and twenty five. If you're a pedophile, what does that make me?"

"I don't know, very talented?" I asked breathlessly as he went back to laving my body with his tongue and caressing me with his incredible hands. "And damn sexy for your age?"

He chuckled a little and pulled back to look at me. He took my hands in his and threaded our fingers together above my head. "I don't want to hear you talk about your age again while we're here, okay? We're on our honeymoon. You have the rest of eternity to fuss about your age. But..." he said, pausing to lower his head until our lips were mere millimeters apart. "I think you'll come to realize that nobody cares how old you are when you're as beautiful, sexy and alluring as you already are. I'm slightly afraid of how utterly glorious you'll be when you are immortal, my love."

"You're afraid of that?" I whispered, my lips brushing his as I spoke.

He smiled and kissed me languidly before answering. "I'm going to have to endure every living male on the planet thinking about how incredibly hot my wife is from now until eternity. So yes, I'm a little afraid of that."

I laughed and the motion reminded both of us just how close we were and what we really wanted to be doing now that we were married. I thanked Goad again that Edward had learned to trust himself enough to make love to me on our wedding night. It had been my one and only condition when I agreed to marry him.

My husband kissed me again and I shifted beneath him at the same time he moved his hips to join our bodies as one. All of our words fell away as we made love slowly at first, then more passionately until I was utterly exhausted and sleep came to claim me for one of the last times in my life.

"Bella?" Edward asked just as I'd started to dream.

"Hmm?"

"Soon?" he asked softly. "Please? I need you now. I need forever with you. More than I ever thought I would."

I smiled and held him closer. "Soon, my Edward. Soon."

~THE END~


End file.
